Remember when young love was stupid?

Tonight while I was going through an old journal , a note fell out of it. It was written on hotel stationary and was not in my handwriting. It was a love note from an ex that said “K has found a spacious room in T’s heart”. This took me way back to the 80’s when I was a student at BYU Hawaii – not every student is Mormon! T was my first real love or so I thought. We both worked at the student activities desk and our job was to answer student’s social questions, basically socialize. He was from Kiribati and therefore, different and exciting to me.

He was attracted to me because I wasn’t Mormon, I was fun and dangerous ‘cause I was one of the girls who drank and wasn’t a virgin. Our relationship started out purely sexual and developed in to something more serious. We had 9 months of making love every night at the beach under the stars, and attending school functions where we got off on trying not to get caught making out in the bathroom.

Things got serious fast when he asked me to marry him and me being foolish and young, said yes. I remember my father saying “What does this boy have to offer you?! He’s not even from this country and has nothing!”. He was right but wasn't that really part of my attraction to him? Did I really think he could marry me since I wasn’t Mormon? The demise of our relationship came as a complete surprise to me when I found a receipt for wedding bands in his wallet and it wasn’t my name being engraved on one of them.

There was so much drama and emotion involved in that breakup and it was not a simple cut and dry. I can now admit it took me a full two years to get over that love. I could no longer listen to Gloria Estefan because we always listened to her when we had sex. I finally took him off my speed dial at work, stopped checking his horoscope in the paper, and stopped wondering how and if the marriage even worked out. She was Mormon.

That relationship really set the tone for all future relationships and for the longest time the biggest lesson I took from T was “screw them before you get screwed”. I’m not proud of that lesson and it eventually ruined most of my future relationships. What a shocker. But the end of that relationship was also the beginning of my second one, with one of his best friends. If it sounds like it was developed out of pure spite, you’d be right about that. But the story of Rebound guy is for another post at a later date when the meaning of “Revenge is a dish best served cold” never rang truer.

K

Is it just me?

Today while using the ladies room at work, someone came out of the stall next to me and gave herself a perfunctory hand wash sans soap, after changing out a tampon. WTF? Is it just me or is this unsanitary? Maybe it's just the way my mind works but soap is there for a reason, no?

This is why I touch everything with paper towels, I'm on the verge of becoming OCD about germs again and seeing things like this doesn't help. I tell ya sometimes it's hard to be me just 'cause I'm a tad neurotic.

K

Best response in most situations

K

Have you seen my maples anywhere?

Why do they call it Lost Maples if you can find it? We drove to Lost Maples today to go hiking and it was absolutely beautiful. Not all the leaves have changed but enough to make for a beautiful picture. The weather was awesome if not a little cold for me but it was perfect weather for hiking with an overwhelming abundance of sunshine.

Here I am at the trail head of our 5 mile hike obviously feeling a little camera shy and timid.

Someone got over herself real quick and really loved this trail, it was like something out of a movie. I was so happy at the beginning of the trail, look how I'm smiling and full of energy until...

See this picture I like to call it foreshadowing, because while I was totally kidding when we came upon the sign, it all came full circle once we started the stairway to Satan's penthouse. This sign states 1.5 miles of steep trail ahead and what you don't know about me is I have instant karma. Today was no exception and karma almost killed me on the 1.5 miles of UPHILL trail. This pose was one I had to repeat many times on the way up - I believe we had to stop and rest at least 4 times, along with many other hikers we encountered in the "resting" position as well, because it was a 5 mile hike.

My husband was showing me what a stud he was by sprinting up Satan's stairs but at a couple of points he had to actually pull me up over rocks. Every time we thought we had reached the top there were more steep hills and bigger rocks ahead but we forged on.

The view was breathtaking until we realized that trail we saw was the one we needed to get down to in order to get out of here. Holy Hell we're only half way?! It's 5 miles! By now I'm thinking they should have donkey rentals up here to carry me down.

This was a long and rocky path downhill and by the time we got to the bottom I had passed out on a sunning rock. 5 miles can do that to a person. I kept thinking I was going to slip down this hell, oops I meant hill, and pick up so much speed that by the time I got to the bottom my clothes would have just been shredded all to pieces and I'd be a naked quivering mass of blood and bone.

Apparently, only the top of my head made it down to the water. Big Red and the rest of me caught up in time to snap this picture of us smiling because we were almost at the end of our 5 mile hike.

This hike was so beautiful and we need to take more drives to the Hill Country. All I kept thinking on the drive out there was why would anyone want to live in such a remote area? I get that it is gorgeous but damn! I complain all the time on how crowded S.A. is. How much traffic and new homes there are here, but give me an H.E.B. , Chinese food and Starbucks right down the street and all is forgiven.

We ended up stopping in Medina at the apple store to snack on apple turnovers, apple ice cream, apple butter...you get the picture. They're famous for apples! By the time we got to Bandera we were starving and stopped at the OST for some real food. The thing I love about Bandera is the old fashioned western ambiance of it. All these people just riding horses down main street.

While neither my husband and I are native Texans and have been here for almost 9 years, we just love going out and discovering parts of Texas that we really do love.

Did I mention it was a 5 mile hike?

K

What the?

I was partaking in one of my favorite pastimes while I was on the internet - no, not porn - this isn't H, shopping for shoes. Oh my, the cutest red Mary Jane's that I ever laid eyes on. When all of a sudden I clicked on the next page and these hideous things assaulted my eyes!!

My first thought was what the fuck? I had to click on them and they are called muk luk's, oh the name is just as bad as the picture. I think the name may even be fuglier than the actual shoe/slipper/sock. My second thought was who would wear this monstrosity? I bet you Sarah Palin wears them. She's a moose hunter from Alaska, it's a given. Where on the frozen tundra would you be caught dead in these?

I had to avert my eyes and then close the website because I started feeling queasy. Who knew shoe shopping could lead to such tragedy? I feel dirty.

K

Yes, this is now a dog blog, get over it!

Okay, so how fucking cute is this picture of Max holding on to his stuffed squirrel?! Notice how he slept with one eye open, always on guard over Pooter (the squirrel).He used to carry this thing around with him constantly until we finally had to throw it away because Nani ripped the shit out of it in a jealous rage. Left the cotton guts spread all over the living room one day and we had to console Max with a new toy.

Max with the latest love of his life, Hildy the Hedgehog. May they live a long and happy life together, at least until Nani gets a hold of it.

K

Having a good day?

Good, good, so glad your day is going well. My day? Please refer to the following e-mail I sent H today.

From: K
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2008 11:13 AM
To: H
Subject:*&%$#

I am so frustrated today and back to hating all mankind! I wish I knew Spanish just so I could rattle off a string of obscenities at anyone who crosses my path. Beware the accountant today!

K

It's a dog's life

Look how adorable my babies are!

Nani, we refer to her as our new area rug, is showing off her shaved belly and not very happy that I am disturbing her nap. Max sunning himself in the front windows with a look that begs to go out for a walk.

They are so precious!

K

6 months sober and down the drain for 99 cent beer

Fast Eddie looking down my shirt, it cracks me up!




Never mind the drunk couple with lampshades, look at my awesome cunt kicking boots!



Gay love...'aint it grand!

Aaron, our wonderful waiter, who regretted the moment he told us his name because we kept yelling it all night.

Why is Fast Eddie pointing at my boobs...again! H looks drunk, no?

Yes, 6 months without going out and getting drunk...and it all went down the drain in one hazy evening. I meant to blog about this earlier but it has taken me this long just to get over Friday night.

After 6 months of sobriety it's amazing how drunk you can get on only three 99 cent Bud Lite's. I can't lie, I laughed, I had fun and it had been too long. I even took some people down with me, namely H. It was worth it just to see these crazy faces and hear everyone laugh.

Too bad Mother Teresa had to leave early and then we lost the lovely gay couple of Roman and Stephan because they had to go eat "Pecking Duck" at some birthday party at one of R's old lovers. Now I am not stupid like Roman but he insisted this is how you pronounce Peking duck! So we were left with the four of us and Fast Eddie insisted on going dancing at the Heat. It was only 9 p.m. and gay clubs don't really get going until midnight but there was Fast Eddie and Myshell out there on the dance floors doing moves I haven't seen since the 80's. H and I believe they were trying to work out all the sexual tension they have for each other.

Anyway, I had a blast and realize I am so old that it takes me a whole weekend to recoup from this kind of shit. Big Red and I drove out to Canyon Lake and it was gorgeous out, not a cloud in the sky and a chill was in the air. Then we came home and napped because that is what old people do.

K

Mexican Church Lady

This made me laugh out loud! This is H at lunch today with his styling cat eye glasses that T found. This made me laugh so hard and that is why lunch with H is my favorite part of the day!

K

You can't figure this out? Really?

Okay so I get this e-mail yesterday and how stupid do you have to be to NOT be able to figure this out? It's not bad enough that she can't figure it out but she has asked me this question every year since she has left her employment with us...8 years! She is in her 50's by now and this isn't calculus people! How does she function in a new job if she can't figure out this simple equation? Just another example of stupidity running rampant. This takes a special kind of stupid to not understand basic math, no? Again, this is what comes from hating all mankind today.

Importance: High

Hi K,

I need your help again……………..(if you don’t mind)………..My current pay is $16.50/hr. I recently received a 3.2% raise, what would my current hourly pay be ???? J

Thanks!!!

Basic Math Idiot
Stupid Dept.
123 Main St. SAT 78249
Work: (800) 867-5309
Dummy.Idiot@yahoo.com

Grouchy and mean,

K

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes

Good Morning! No, no that wasn't right, it's more like "hey..'morning" followed by a heavy sigh. It's 7 a.m. Monday morning and it's raining. What a great start to a work week. I am just doing more random blogging to put off the inevitable...work.

When I stopped to fill my gas tank this morning (2.89!) I also filled my other tank with coffee. Who would have thought we would be excited about 2.89 gas, remember when it was .99?! I'm old.

So while I have had my morning coffee I'm still a little blue about this rainy day. I don't know why because I like the rain but that song by The Carpenters keeps playing in my head..rainy days and Monday's always get me down. The Carpenters? Really? Again...I'm old.

This weekend while we were taking a Sunday drive (old like Miss Daisy) and hating all mankind, my husband turned to me and said "Do you realize we have been together 12 years and that is the longest relationship I have ever had?". I of course had to be a smart ass and say that I had longer relationships with other men...my dad, my brothers, Jesus...

Do you ever notice how putting on lipstick makes you feel better? It makes me feel better anyway. I downloaded some ITunes last night - Katy Perry, Jessica Simpson and Darius Rucker - talk about random. Now I'm just rambling like a rose so I gotta get to work. I know, I know..rambling rose, I'm old.

K

Huh?

I'm exhausted! I have been tired all weekend, I'm not even kidding. I slept for 9 hours yesterday, got up, ate breakfast and napped another two hours, got up, ate lunch and napped again! Yet still slept like a baby last night. WTF? I am old.

Today I've been so tired and been trying to keep busy so I don't nap but so hard...my eyes just wanted to rest so I tried to find stuff to do. We had sex. Went for a drive. Cleaned house. Made dinner. Read a book. Washed our sheets. Tried not to nap. So ready to go to bed and it's only 7:20. It's official, I am not my mom but my grandmother. Oh help me someone. If I get sick I will be so mad! Discovered today that I dislike all mankind. I know, I know but it's true. I am my grandmother/Ebenezer Scrooge all in one. What happened to the days when one could go for a nice Sunday drive without all these people around?! Clearly not napping has turned me in to a grouch.

K

Fat Dog

funny...

You have to love the Cho.

Wanna ride?

Who were the only people at a breakfast this morning for new Toyota owners that did not buy a Toyota for great fuel economy? Yeah...that would be us.

While everyone else was talking about their Corolla's and Camry's and how great they are, here Big Red and I are eating banana's and saying things like "Well it's only takes $70 bucks to fill our tank and it lasts us a whole week!" Yes, we are proud parents of our beautiful, gas guzzling, bad ass Tundra while the other little Prius owners gasped in horror.

We do not follow trends or care about the economy! We don't care that we have to sell one of our kidney's to pay for gas! We don't care that we are leaving a huge carbon bigfoot like print on the environment! We spit on the turning of the tide that is fuel economy! Plus, I can sit cross legged in the front seat and look down and laugh at Smartcars while sitting at stoplights. Take your Smartcar down to Costco and feed an army, I dare you!

It was an interesting breakfast and every time the speaker asked for a show of hands, no matter how ridicuous the question was, I raised my hand. My husband just kept shaking his head but how would these people know that I haven't really owned over 10 Toyota's or can actually fit my 6 children in the truck?? It kept me amused.

Before I forget, H texted me this morning that he was giving birth to the spawn of Satan. I hope that meant he was on the toilet. Also, talked to my long lost parents last night and they are finally coming home. They have been in Hawaii since June and are returning home in November. Finally! They really are too old to be running away from home anyway.

K

Almost forgot...

Ok, so this is the Golden Girl we speak of.  I knew I had a pic of her.  Sorry, you can't see the cool granny shoes. I will work on getting one of those.  
BTW, I still have Sushi fever.  I don't know what will cure me of this ailment. Maybe I need some sushi in my cooshi.  Who knows?  All I know is that K says sushi in the cooshi hurts too much.  Maybe I will try something else.  

H

Yeah, whateva'

       "Lil' ol' me"

What the fuck, Why the hell did K write so much and about lil’ ol’me?!  I guess I do write the way I talk. Never noticed.  Hmm.  I guess I do.  Yes. I do. I also write in short sentences.  Maybe it is because I am not a writer like K.  She is right, I have not written very often.  I really haven’t had much to say that was entertaining.  If you haven’t guessed or figured it out I am depressed, or should I say WAS depressed.  It totally sucked but I am feeling better.  I am not one of those Debbie Downers who is always depressed.  First time, I swear.  It was really situational and I think I just have to sort out some issues (ithues, if you will) about myself and my life. 

 

I do love me some politics.  I will venture to say that it runs in my blood.  No I am not a Bush, Clinton, or a Kennedy!  I am of the Cardona Clan of Central Texas though. Most of what K says is true.  But if you really read the blog you will know that she doesn’t really tell us much about herself either!  So I will do it today! 

 

She is in her sort of early 40’s, has a great career, has two beautiful dogs (that she threatened to kill recently), and is in a very happy marriage to a big red man.  She is very funny too.  I also do not want to kiss my sister but I will tell you that K has recently lost a lot of weight and is really working on improving her health which is making her look great!

 

K is cranky most of the time regardless of where on the ladder she is.  She is a total biacha that will ask the hard questions of everyone. She doesn’t care who you are.  She even tells her boss how to do her job.  It cracks me up.  She likes for everyone to think she is a hard ass (and she is) but deep down (not so deep anymore) she is a total softie.  Not unlike my belly.  

I have to tell you that I do not own any of those labels that K said I love.  I have one LV wallet because I refuse to pay $1000 for a man-bag.  My partner on the other hand has all of those labels and wears them everyday.  I am happy to buy them for him because he is great! K owns several Coach purses so shut the fuck up. 

 

I do enjoy me some shoe shopping but so does K.  She has a shitload of shoes and is dressing very ostentatious lately. I on the other hand have not purchased any new shoes lately.  I am too fat for shoes. Seriously, I don't wear shoes. 

 

I totally love to hang around with K because she makes me laugh and makes me happy when I fell like crap or am totally stressed.  She is my most loyal friend and confidant. And yes, she is the top hag (today). 

 

K reminds me of the older sister on designing women—Julia Sugarbaker!   The one that you didn’t want to eva’ piss off because she would go off on you and tear you a new one (and not in a good way),  K can kill you with words.  She is a wordsmith and knows it./span>

 By the way, I am Susan Sugarbaker.  

If you were to judge her on her posts alone you would probably think she is more athletic but that is one of the last words I would use to describe her.  Don’t get me wrong she is working out everyday.  Even weekends people.  She is a crazy health nut and I like that.  I am very proud of her for eating healthy and working out.  She still loves mayonnaise but doesn’t buy the tub at Costco anymore.  

I love talking about the bad haircuts at work.  I have a shitty haircut too but that is different.  K has very little hair but what she has is beautiful.  I totally love making fun of people with K.  She has such witty comments and makes me feel funny.  There is one person that I love making fun of.  It is the Golden Girl herself.  Her name is Teriyaki.  She is one funny lady.  From her hair to her shoes.  It is all kinds of wrong. I so should draw a pic of her.  I am laughing just thinking about it...

It is my day off, what am I doing sitting her typing all day?!  I must go nap, bitches. 

H

 

 

 

<

I FIXED IT!

OMG H! I FIGURED OUT TO FIX THE TIME STAMP ON OUR BLOG TO FINALLY BE CORRECT! I'M A FUCKING GENIUS!

It was actually quite simple and now I feel like an idiot for not figuring it out earlier. Geez.

K

What do ya want? It's early.

I'm sitting here in my office at 7 a.m. drinking a sugar free Red Bull and munching on a granola bar. While I do this I have had time to ponder and would like to share the following observations:

• Palin's accent annoys me, it makes her sound like an extra in Fargo.


• Make her quit the "aw shucks" routine and I might like her more.


• Tina Turner just went on tour??!!? She's the same age as my dad?! I think the Golden Girls are opening for her.


• I love walking in the door at my gym and hearing "Hi K!", it makes me feel like I'm Norm from Cheers and they like having me there.


• Cubs lost again last night and my husband was in a foul mood. Don't worry, I made him feel better. :-).


• I couldn't sleep last night because I have so much work to do today so I got up and e-mailed a to-do list to myself. I am such an anal annie. (Do not take this literally)


• Celine Diva's son looks like a girl, is that a French Canadian thing?


• I just stopped typing for 3 minutes because Pink's "So What" came on the radio and I had to stop and sing along.


• I did not include this random time to blog on my to do list so now I am already behind.


• I only got two resumes this morning for my accounting assistant and the same person applied for H's job posting as well. These are two very different jobs, what makes you think you're qualified for both??

I gotta get to work, my desk looks like it threw up after a drunken finance party. Big sigh and I'm off to conquer the day. Where is our receptionist??!! I NEED COFFEE!

H, don't forget to feed Changita since I already cleaned up her poop.

K

Welcome Changita!

adopt your own virtual pet!

Toot Toot

I almost forgot to tell you...I farted at the gym today. On the butt machine. I'd feel bad about it but my husband grabbed my butt when I got home tonight and told me how good it looked and well...we must all make our sacrifices.

K

TGIF

So here's the thing...because again, if you have never read us before, I like to start my blog like we are just sitting around and having coffee and I'm just having a conversation with you. I apparently like to also have run-on sentences begin my blog as well. Well, not really just my blog since H and I share this blog. I realize this can be confusing to all (in my fantasy) the people who read it. H doesn't write all that often but when he does, look out. It's usually to rant about politics or religion or gay political religious things. It's where his head is at right now and since he is my friend, I go right there with him.

Funny thing is I'm not political, religious or gay but I get him and this is why we are friends. I have decided to tell you a little about H since we all know he NEVER talks about himself. He's in his 30's, has a successful career, drives a very nice Mercedes (which I adore), is in a happy long-term relationship and is funny as hell. I'd tell you he's not ugly but that would be like kissing my brother and who wants to go there? He can be a little OCD, is more cranky the higher he climbs the ladder at work, and he likes stuff (Burberry, Gucci, LV...you get the idea). He also knows how to make me laugh when I'm feeling down, is always up for going shoe shopping, and is the most loyal friend ever.

We've been friends ever since we started working together back in 2001 and our friendship has changed over the years. H has many hags for different stages and events in his life. He has the long distance hag, the old high school hag, the pregnant hag, etc...I am the top hag, the main hag, the mama hag if you will. The hag to trump all others or so I like to believe. We talk about many things we don't even tell our spouses about (especially things about them) and we talk every day. When I read some of his posts I think "Wow, what the fuck?" After all, I am the one who gets on his ass about not posting more often and when he finally does it's a doozy. It's a rant or demented but always entertaining for me because he blogs like he talks and I like that.

If you were to judge him on his posts alone you would probably think he is more serious but that is one of the last words I would use to describe him. He is more of my partner in crime at work. We like the practical jokes, unfortunately not every one does which is why not every one gets us. We like putting peoples possessions in the vending machine or freezer, writing little notes on stupid signs people post, and tearing labels off canned goods and leaving them in a random employee's box to figure out what it is. We make faces at each other when someone spouts off stupidity during boring staff meetings or write notes to each other about the awful page boy haircut someone just got or the hideous golden girl shoes someone is wearing at said meeting. Which to me is funny since we both have very serious positions at work. I'm sure if you ask other employees they would say we are very capable, smart or hard-working. But while we are "meeting" in my office with the door closed we are planning how best to fuck with someone who has irked us and feign disgust on who could have done this??!! The best thing about us is that while we laugh at other people, we make fun and laugh at ourselves even harder.

There is so much more I could tell you but this is already too long and I am way tired. I love to write - I especially love to write about people and H is the person I chose to write about tonight so suck it H. He is off on a Friday and I hate him for it. I have to eat with the GEW tomorrow (the gay jew who still makes me laugh) and we are planning to talk about H for the whole 2 hour lunch we plan on taking.

K