Monday, September 29, 2008

Sushi fever

Kind of odd but maybe not. Recently, I have been attracted to Japanese men. Yes, Japanese. We
had dinner at a Japanese steak house and I was a bit smitten with (deleted to protect the hotness). He was the waiter and yes that is his name. I hope he is reading this right now.
I am also into Tim Kang, the hot Asian from the AT& T commercials. He plays the smart guy opposite the idiot with bad service...Cinderella dressed in yellow...
He is also in a new show The Mentalist.
Maybe I just have an Olympic hangover.
I do know that I will be dining with Sangh Jun again real soon.

Draggin Ass

So today I didn’t go to work.  I felt ‘exhausted’.  I was dragging ass like Mariah Carey after Glitter came out in theatres.  Now I know why she was “hospitalized for exhaustion”.  It would be nice to be “hospitalized for exhaustion”.  It would be great to go to “rehab”.  That just means that she was fucking tired and needed a break. 

I get it; I totally needed a break today. I have worked for the last two Saturdays on top of long weeks and I am just tired. 


I know that my eating and exercising habits are contributing to my exhaustion.  I eat whatever I want, however much I want and do not exercise one bit.  I know; that totally sucks.  It really sucks because K is working out so hard and eating so well.  We are never on the same page at the same time.  WHY?! 


I just need to work on making myself happy.  I don’t really know how to do that.  I know that I would be happier if I could lose weight and be able to tuck my shirt in my pants.  Yes, that would make me happy!  Dressing up makes me happy.  Having good skin makes me happy.  What does that really say about me?  As I think about it I realize that those things are just what comes when I am healthy and loving myself.  I guess I really don’t love myself right now.  Why you ask? I don’t know. 

I think that I really have all that I could ask for.  I am not talking about only material things although I do have the material things that I want, so what am I lacking?  Not sure. 

I feel like I am grieving the loss of who I was when I was growing up.  I feel that I was never told it was ok to be something that wasn’t familiar and comfortable.  I think the opposite it true.  I think I was told that this is your past and this will be your future.  Don’t get me wrong; I did do plenty of things that are not in line with the way I was raised.  The whole man-butt thing is a biggie.  No pun intended, but he does have a big butt. 

What was I saying?

So I never felt that I could go live somewhere else besides this comfortable city near my hometown.  How would I be different if I had moved away for college or after college?  Who knows, you really can’t answer those questions.

I never felt that I could be anything but Catholic or a Democrat.  Why is that?  Fuck.

I am nearly 40 so I think I really need to stop looking at my past and trying to find a reason for all this bullshit.  I need to embrace who I am, who I love, what I believe in and who I have around me. I need to stop making excuses and take control of my future.  I need to gain back the confidence that I once had and stop hiding behind this big belly. 



One more question I can't answer...why the fuck does Mariah Carey insist on dressing like that?  It is not pretty.  Ugh. 

Are we there yet?

Fuck, is it November 5th yet? 

I can say that I am now officially over this election.  Everyone likes to talk about how great they are and all they have done for this country.  They point out what the other said, when they said it and how they were for it before the other was for it.  Do you follow me? 

I know; it is stupid.  Just answer the fucking question.  Tell me what you believe in and tell me what you will do. 

Obama likes to act like he is above all of the politics and the bullshit, but he isn’t.  He is only playing better than the rest and the na├»ve public is buying it.  Granted, Bill Clinton did much of the same when he was first elected but at least Bill had experience running a state budget. 

Ok, now let’s talk about the abortion and gay rights issues.  There are all kinds of celebrities screaming about their right to have an abortion and the right of their fag to marry.  Stop and remember where you are and who has been our president for the last 7 years.  That’s right George Bush, the born again Christian president.  If he hasn’t been able to stop abortions and the gays from fucking each other in the ass do you really think that McCain and Palin will do it?  These are the people that drive me crazy! 

Those issues are state issue because the federal government and politicians don’t have the balls to really piss off a large voting block.  Worry about who is elected governor, state representative, and senator.  Those are the bitches you need to worry about.

For president you want someone who can keep us safe from religious radical terrorists, create new job opportunities and work to balance the budget.  Which one of the monkeys do you think can do that?  

Friday, September 26, 2008

Oh help, so full and bloated. Ate too much and now feel like Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory. The original version, thank you. None of that psychedelic shit with the little Indian midget for me, I prefer the classics. So roll me out of here, I am so yucka stuffed. If only I had my own little oompa loompa's to roll me to the bedroom. Is it just me or do you get a yearning for chocolate when you watch that movie? I have been a chocoholic for years and I am not ashamed.
Cheer up Charlie,

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Yoga is hard ya'll! I'm not flexible, can't balance and have bad knees...naturally, I love it! I just had the one class but I can already do this, impressive, no? Liar? (yes)


Sunday, September 21, 2008

Less talk, more action

So I did it. I went back to Hell Trail and I have to wasn't as bad as I originally thought. I rather enjoyed it. This time we took Maxamillion and he loved hiking. We went the opposite way because I knew it would be harder but it seems I was in a much better frame of mind and that made all the difference in the world. We then stopped at Petco and bought Maxipad a doggy backpack so he can carry his own water. I can't wait to do it again. It was still hard but I felt great afterwards.

Big Red has agreed to join me for a yoga class, I'm afraid we will get the giggles. But my doctor has recommended it and I will at least give it a try. I wasn't able to go to the gym at all last week because I worked late every day and I am just picking it up again on Monday.

Last week was a loooooong week and I was so tired everyday, mentally and physically. The audit is finally over and I think we did well overall. Now we can focus on finding an assistant so I can get them trained and not worry about leaving for Hawaii.

Still not feeling funny so this is the end of my post. Nothing dramatic or hilarious to report. Signing off.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

I hate people.

So work was like a total bitch dude. I am not upset or stressed I am just a tad annoyed. Oh, get this, I just found my anti-depressant medication in my pant pocket. I put it there this morning so I could take it once I arrived at the office. I get there before 7am and started working right away. I skipped my standing Thursday meeting and worked right through lunch. I left at 5:45pm because I couldn't look at the same white walls anymore.

My boss brought me lunch and a drink but I didn't get to eat it. Each time I went to open my baked potato someone walked in with a problem. Nothing really major, nothing out of the ordinary but just a bunch a crap. Things that should be obvious to most people. I would think that if you are not diagnosed with mental retardation you shouldn't act like you are. Just my thought.

I also had to deal with people trying to make a buck off of a non-profit organization. Someone who is not an employee. Someone who volunteered his time to provide advice on a new product we are developing. He did all kinds of "work" for us the last couple of months (we didn't ask him to do any of this) and then expected us to be excited by it. He also lied. He said he did original art but he just took the pictures we provided and changed the colors and the rotated the pics. What the fuck!? Are you mentally retarded. He then told us he would bring us the original pics later in the day and they were the same fucking shit. I totally called him on it and asked him all kinds of obvious questions. He said I didn't understand what he was trying to do. I told him that I totally understood what he was trying to say. He is so annoying.

I also had a mother daughter duo in my office complaining and spewing lies. I won't say much about them because I think they both may actually be mentally retarded. I am completing undercover testing to make sure.

Finally, last night I had one of my staff cry, full on shoulder shaking crying, in front of me, new program director and assistant. That totally made me laugh out loud as I typed that. Apparently, I am such a great boss that she can't stand to not report directly to me. I was like a very fucked up dream. I couldn't believe that it was happening.

I think those are all the reasons I hate people today. Oh, The Red Dragon, I dont like her and will no longer be friendly with her. She is very mean.

Monday, September 8, 2008

La Politica Baby!

I know everyone knows that we are in the midst of an election year.  Politics is all around us and I love it!  Everyone is talking about the candidates and some are even actually talking about the issues.  So I was a delegate for my homegirl Hill.  The primaries ended in a tie but the way our country is set up some states have primaries, some caucuses, and the dumb ones both.  Oh, I live in Texas, we have both.  Anyway, Obama ended up with more delegates.  Ok, I get it.  I know enough to accept it and move on.  
Now the Republicans have thrown in a woman with a child with a disability into the mix.  She has real issues that MANY families in the US face.  I don't have to tell you what they are, the liberal media is doing a damn good job of informing the country.  I love it even more!  It is politics at its best.
My whole family is Catholic and Democrat and God help you if you don't stick to those two things.  Give up meat, sex, and air before you give those two things up.  This year I have all but given up on Catholicism and now I am thinking about giving up on the Democrats.  Wait, I wrote it and nothing happened, I'm still alive, maybe I will be ok!  
I so wish my uncle and aunt were alive; they were huge Democrats that worked on local, state, and national campaigns.  They were the rebels in the family, the flower children; arrested for what they believed in.  They lived and breathed politics, they would so love what is happening right now.  
The other night I had a dream that I was talking to them in my kitchen and was telling them about my leaning to the Right.  I explained why, they listened, nodded, smiled, even agreed on a few things.  I then asked them what they thought; was I doing the right thing?  As they were going to answer, I woke up!  I woke the fuck up!  Oh, they are both dead by the way. This story wouldn't make sense if they weren't.   

So, I really believe most of the things the Dems believe but I just can't stand that Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi pushed a somewhat unknown candidate because they thought he had the carisma to win and Hillary wasn't liked by many.  I know they were shocked when she kept winning and when the primary went on so long.  I know they never imagined that she would have 18 million people vote for her.  I truly believe that they have ruined any shot we had at taking back the White House.  Their need for power fucked them over.   Part of me hopes I am wrong but part of me hopes I am right.  

I don't believe in everything the Reps believe but they are coming around.  This election there are only 3 state amendments on gay marriage.  In the last two elections there were probably something like 20!  This is promising for the Republicans. 

I will close with I know what McCain has done, what he is capable of doing, and he has been tested for over 35 years.  Obama wants me to vote for him on hope, change, and faith.
I am having a difficult time having blind faith in a God that a religion has set before me.  How the fuck am I going to have blind faith in a guy who wants to lead our country in a time of multiple wars, terrorists, and failing economy.   I don't think I can do that for the Catholics or for the Democrats. 
I miss K.  

Saturday, September 6, 2008

I barely survived Hill View and lived to talk about it

Another weekend and another adventurous hike, this time at Eisenhower Park. We decided to tackle the Hill View trail, it's the biggest one that surrounds the entire park. After all, we're experts at this hiking thing, right? WRONG! It wasn't so bad to get to the observation tower, beautiful view and many trails to choose from but I chose the wrong one. I figured it was a little tough to get up here but how bad could it be from here on, let the amateurs walk on the paved paths! It was pretty steep heading down but not once did I realize we would have to head back up at some point...I'm just going to say that I had to stop a couple of times to psych myself up and there may or may not have been a point where I almost burst in to tears. After an hour all I wanted to do was find the blessed paved path that would take me out of this torture trail.

I knew that we would have to climb up and down but in none of the reviews was there a mention of BOULDERS! I was wondering if I could get a helicopter in to air lift me thighs were on fire. My mouth probably got more of a work out from all the whining and complaining I was doing. Did I work every major muscle group and burn more calories than at the gym? (yes) I think if I die and end up in hell this would be it...a never ending trail that drops and climbs ever 10 seconds and Satan poking me with his pitchfork, screaming "DON'T STOP, FASTER FATTY!". They should sell t-shirts at the end of the trail that say "I survived this trail and all I got was this lousy pain in my back". Will I ever do it again? Yes because someday I will be able to do this without all the bitching and moaning. There were kids and old people on the trail doing better than me, what the hell happened? Mentally I was &%$#@! Here I am passed out at the end...somehow I turned in to an old fat man.

Here's to another healthy weekend and another trail we will conquer!


Friday, September 5, 2008

Blue Moon

It's been a blue week and I'm not ready or able to snap out of it. I feel sad and I'm not used to feeling this way. Big Red surprised me this morning at work with breakfast because he knew I needed some cheering up and it made me smile. Something tells me this blue moon will be hanging over my head for quite some time.