Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The clouds have parted

I was in a rotten place when I wrote that last post but every word was true. We actually got out of the house this weekend and it was just what I needed. Some friends had a BBQ and it was perfect weather and good conversation. Maybe I just needed to focus on someone else for a change.

My doctor finally released me for work and I'm so ready to go back. As nice as it would be to stay home, it's boring and stale. I think if anything this has shown me that I would like to go part-time in the future.

There is one thing I was reminded of that I often forget. If it wasn't for my husband I don't know what I would have done. He took care of my needs every moment and always said the right thing just when I needed to hear it. There is no doubt in my mind that he would be here for me no matter what the situation. It's nice to know someone always has your back.


Friday, April 25, 2008

When does the sun shine on my face?

I keep waiting to wake up and feel normal but I don't. It's just one series of road bumps after another. So they put me on insulin to heal and it's been okay, I've been able to give myself shots 4 times a day. I have even gotten used to testing my blood sugars 5 times a day. I've been to the doctor a few times since getting out of the hospital and my sugars are doing great. If all this is true then why do I feel like such shit?

This surgery has really messed with my body and I'm feeling it on every square inch. The constipation has probably been the worst of it and my stomach muscles are now finally able to do a little work but it doesn't seem to be helping. I stopped the painkillers to deal with this and I'm still suffering. I'm taking laxatives like candy and still I suffer. WHY??!!!

Now two of my incisions are infected and they won't release me for work until Wednesday??!! This has been one hell of a crappy two weeks and I hope I never have to go in the hospital again. I haven't even started on the estrogen so I can't even imagine how that will fuck with my body even more. I have so much medicine in me that I am like a huge toxic landfill.

How could anyone love this? When I see my doctor on Tuesday I want to scream at him for what he's done to me!! I just don't care about anyone or anything else right now. Is this me or the menopause talking? Or is this just me hyped up on meds? I don't even know anymore....


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Yea, my wife is sick and she can't come into work...

Ok, so I was supposed to be off this week but of course the person that was supposed to be there to back me up had her husband call in sick for her. Yes, Blackbeard's husband called in sick for her for the rest of the year. Apparently they went to the coast and she was hospitalized while she was there. What the fuck!? Why?! Always sick when I want to be sick or when I want to take a fucking few days off! It sucks. I hate it! So today I find out she had a virus. Yes, ladies and ladies, a virus. A killer virus that keeps you in bed for five days! The picture ABOVE is that of the killer virus.

So sadly, I will be back at work tomorrow to complete the fucking report from hell, then I will check in on the office to make sure no one else is attacked by this awful virus.

Bolita de Caca II

Ok, so today I was trying to do some work from home because I have been sick, am supposed to be on vacation, and I can't finish this fucking report! Anyway, I couldn't connect so I called our network administrator (I don't even know what that means). Network administrator, whatever. Before I can tell him what I need he tells me that he is on his way home because he thought he had gas. This is where i sort of stopped listening; I was only have listening. He told me he had a liquid problem and had to go home to shower and change. He told me he had told DN that he wasn't feeling well. I said ok, I don't know about any of that and this is not why I am calling. I told him my problem and he said he would look into it.

I ended up going into the office because I really needed to get some things done. I was sitting there and started thinking about what he had said. He was trying to fart and he pooped! What the fuck!? Why do people I supervise have to tell me these things?! He is the second motherfucker to tell me this! Just tell me you are sick, don't feel well, just had a miscarriage, whatever! But I just pooped my pants! No, I don't want to hear that!

Monday, April 21, 2008

It's final

That's right, me and Ute are over. She left and took the the twins, Ova and Ries with her. Being in the hospital sucked,they woke me up every hour to take my blood sugar levels then had the nerve to be surprised when I said I was tired.

I believe my gyno made this surgery sound like a walk in the park when in fact, it was not! My stomach looks and feels like roadkill. I feel better every day though and am glad I took two weeks off to heal. I will be back to my old self in no time. Maybe a little crankier since I'll be in menopause. I'm not sure my body even knows it yet, maybe when the next cycle comes around my body will be like "Hey, wait a minute...what the hell, somethings missing here."

I feel a little disconnected from reality and in my own world and I kinda like it. I have not thought about work once and I kinda like that too. My husband is great, he would make the best caregiver ever. He was patient and kind and oh so loving. Just what I needed when I was feeling like shit. After all this, I have developed a sinus infection to top it all off. Because having major surgery just isn't enough!


Thursday, April 17, 2008


Ok, so I survived my Mariah Carey-style breakdown this week.
This past weekend we had our big event at work and it was hugely successful. I was so happy that it was over. I went to work on Monday and K wasn't there to support me. She was out breaking up with her uterus. Yes, she dumped her uterus. How rude and selfish. So I alone dealing with a stupid report that just wounldn't go away. We submitted the report and they kept asking for more! It wouldnt stop. I was newar tears by noon. My boss told me that my well was dry. I had nothing left to give. I collapsed on my floor and cried. I had to be taken out on a stretcher. I was hospitalized for exhaustion for 5 days and I spent three months in rehab. I am beginning to feel better about the whole thing. Oh, K is fine too. I think.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


The actual time not the singing group! The time on my last post shows around 8:30pm. Uuuuuuh, it is like almost 11PM. Fix it K!



Who the hell hacked into our blog and posted pretending to be me!? WHO!? Tell me! I say who, I say when, I say who! What...what was I saying?

Oh yea, I have been hacked! Ok, Ok, so maybe I typed it with my hands but it wasn't me! K says that I am insecure and scarred due to the multiple dumpings. I have never wanted to be called insecure. To me that is an awful word. I would rather be called cunt or twat. Insecure comes from the Latin word INSUCURUS which means "hopeless without cure". That is not me!
Ok, so I made that Latin bullshit up but come on! I am not insecure!
I guess that maybe I will always have a scar from that time in my life. The anniversary of the first breakup is coming up next weekend. SHUT UP, the only reason I remember is because it was the day after Rudy's birthday--April 14th. I was hung over AND dumped.

What the hell am I saying? I am so tired. I really should be asleep. I really should lose some weight. I really need some new shoes. I really should start thinking about real plastic surgery. I really just need to get drunk.


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Should I be angry?

So R is out of town this week and it started off to a crappy start. He called last night at 7pm to say he was there and was on his way out to dinner. He said he would call me later. Ok, no big deal. We are usually in bed by 9:45pm and lights out at 10pm. So last night I got into bed and I realized it was 10:30 and he had not called. I watched TV and at 11pm I decided to go to sleep. I texted him and he called right away. He said oh hey what's up? I said uuuhhh, it's 11pm and I am going to sleep. He said, yeah we just got back and I was about to call you. I told him OK whatever I am going to bed. He proceeded to say that the people he was with are crazy and they wanted to keep drinking, blah, blah, blah. I told him I was tired and needed to go to sleep. He asked if I was mad and I said I was tired. I was kind of mad.
This morning he called twice and texted once before I called him back. He apologized and I said nothing. He then said I just apologized and you said nothing. I told him what am I supposed to say?
I am just in a bad mood now. I always think of him first. If I am out of town (different time zone) I make sure to call him before I know he is going to go to sleep. He could have at least texted me. But I got nothing. I am just rambling now. I am sleepy.