Thursday, April 30, 2009

Oh no you didn't!

Ok, so today was a shitty day.
I really hate co-workers that just have to complicate things on a daily basis. It is almost as if they only go to work to make things harder. Everything is SOo mportant that it requires a closed door conversation.
Today was the day that I decided I just wasn't going to be the diplomatic one. I wasn't going to be understanding and just let it go. Today I decide to put into practice the strategies I have learned from being a part of the fabulous duo that is KUGO. I asked the questions that I am always screaming in my head. The questions usually start with "Why" or "HOW".
Why would you do that? Why do you think that is better? How is that helpful? How are you going to compare those things?
I also said "that is just a waste of time and I will not do that". I really wanted to ask is "why are you a stupid c and why are your gums black"! I also wanted to ask "how is it that your husband can fuck you"! Sadly, I didn't.
I was very busy this week but I was well rested and felt like I could conquer the world. I have been able to accomplish a lot of things this week but today I just felt angry.
I am better now but I need to have lunch with K and just laugh again. I miss that!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Ok, I am laughing so hard right that I will probably wake up Monkey! So fucking funny. I have been so busy since getting back from days off that I have not even been able to chat with K. Tragic, I know. That will all change on Thursday, I hope. Budget meeting at 10, yuck!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Fiesta over and out

After 9 years of living in San Antonio, we finally attended our first Fiesta and it was so much fun. Here we are at the King Williams Fair enjoying the food and fun, Big Red was taking the picture. Michelle's smile cracks me up. I posted these pictures on my Facebook and she commented that she looks like she has to pee. She did drink many beers so maybe she did.

Here we are the night of Cornyation waiting for the valet to bring the car. I don't know why these pictures are so tiny, Little gay R took them and he is somewhat tiny.

We were up in the balcony for the event and the seats were a tight fit. Our knees were right up against the railing. Okay maybe it wasn't that tight and H and I are just fat. Monkey Boy and Little Gay R look very comfortable.

Okay, is it just me or are these the ugliest Queens you have ever seen? They are downright fugly and just a little frightening. The funniest part is Monkey Boy knows the purple queen on the end. Notice how I rather take the picture than be in it?
Since my Fiesta cherry was broken this year I plan to do more events next year because I had so much fun. No wonder people take the whole week off for Fiesta! I finally get it...9 years later.

Monday, April 27, 2009

One suspect down, 20 more to go...

One of my friends, who shall remain nameless, had a big fight with her husband over some things that he said and did. She was upset that he was downloading porn instead of making porn with her. What is up with that, men? Frankly, I don't blame her and have heard this complaint from many women. Let's just say that one of the little nuggets of information I learned has me crossing her name off the list of suspects in "THE CASE OF THE SHEDDING VAGINA". I bet Nancy Drew never had to go through shit like this.


Wanna buy a barely used bike? I'll give you a great bargain.

You know that saying "It's like riding a bicycle"? I guess that means once you have ridden you never just get on and it all comes back to you. Bullshit. The only thing that came back to me this weekend was how to fall off of said bicycle, again. The last time I rode this death machine was months ago and I took a tumble that caused me to bleed. I laugh about it now because in retrospect it is funny. Yet when the wound is fresh, not so much. I love the feeling of being on a bike, when the wind is blowing through your hair because you're going at a good clip. Big Red is right, the new paved path that runs between two parks is beautiful. My husband rides them weekly since he is training for a 5K, he rides like the wind. I ride like a 747 hitting a bad patch of turbulence. I made it almost all the way to the end of the path, almost.

I turned the corner and BAM! Right off the edge of the sidewalk into a grassy mound littered with big round rocks protruding out of the ground. The fall didn't feel like I hit the ground that hard since it was all in slow motion. I would like to think it was a graceful fall but I'm quite sure it wasn't. It was hard enough that I refused to ride the path back to the house and made my husband ride it back and bring the truck back to pick up me and my wayward bicycle. Oh yeah, H will love this part. While I was lying there in the grass, my other foot got stuck in the bicycle so I could not untangle myself from the rolling machine of death and actually had to take my shoe off to get my foot out. I lamely limped the rest of the way to the parking lot while pushing my bike and sat on a rock waiting for Red to come get me. Humiliated much? What did my sweet husband say? "You definitely need to work on the stopping part". Nice.


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Ok, I feel really GAY today. Almost, maybe flaming, on fire!! Cornyation brings out the DIVA in me. I may queen out tonight!!
Why are lesbians always mean and cranky? Seriously, is it the lack of d or all the stuff they have to eat? This is why gays can't marry...the stupid cranky bitch lesboes! Ugh!

Do what?

So this morning I'm talking to my boss who has other employees, *** (don't want to use her name) who is responsible for all our special events here at work. Kind of important job since we rely on these special events for our unrestricted money. I would assume we are all hired based on our ability to do our jobs somewhat competently. So imagine my surprise when *** complained to my boss that this particular special event was a lot of work to put together. My bosses reaction?

"*** doesn't want to work that hard and frankly I don't blame her."

Really? Who do you blame then? I totally blame her because doesn't *** get paid to work that hard? I realize *** is rich and doesn't need the money but then don't work for a living if you don't want to work hard! I hope she has that reaction next time I tell her I don't feel like doing payroll.


Very your children...even though they have smelly poop

The nose knows

My first thought upon entering the ladies room at work today was "What the hell up and died in here?". After spraying large amounts of lysol and cursing out my coworkers asses I discovered the culprit in the trash can. A poopy diaper that will now insure that the stench remains all day no matter how much lysol one sprays. Reason #379 to be thankful I don't have babies, their caca diapers stink. This is why God made babies so cute.
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Monday, April 20, 2009


It's Fiesta time in San Antonio and for the first time ever I am going to Cornyation! I'm so excited I get to see a bunch of drag queens being bitchy and raunchy! This is why I love H and R, because the gays rock! Viva Fiesta! Am I using too many exclamation points, ya think?!


Friday, April 17, 2009

Shit the e-mail blogging works too! Because you never know when I'll have something to say.

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Being able to blog from my Blackberry is fricking awesome.


I do what I can

Part of my job here at work is payroll. You would think people would be anxious to turn in a time sheet to get paid, but not here. I always have to nag at certain individuals to get them to turn one in so I try to come up with creative e-mails to grab their attention. Here was my latest attempt:

Ode to a time sheet
I'm a little time sheet
short and sweet
If you want to get paid
K I must meet

If I don't get turned in
it won't even be funny
Because you'll be crying
over having no money

So if you want to see magic
and have someone to thank
Watch K* turn me from a time sheet
in to ca$h money in your bank

So hurry and don't delay
this offer expires by nine
Rush me right over
and everything will be just fine


My first e-mail response from Teresa?

Getting paid for working 40 hours a week….great! Getting a time sheet ode from K…..PRICELESS!!!!!!

Teresa gets me but I'm not so sure the rest of this crowd appreciates my creativity. So much wasted talent here in my office, what am I doing here?


Thursday, April 16, 2009

Happy Anniversary

I just got back from lunch with my hubby and he sent me the most beautiful red roses. I have never seen these kind of roses before and I love them. Balloons and flowers and movies, oh my! He has done well. Bravo Big Red Bravo!
Happy Anniversary babe.


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Listen up ladies

You know what pisses me off? Random pubic hairs on the toilet seat at work. Do I work with wild monkeys? For God's sake, check the seat after you get up and clean up after yourself so I don't have to deal with your shedding vagina. I swear some days I hate this place and everyone in it. Finding three pubic hairs in a row today has given me a headache, I need to go lie down.


Monday, April 13, 2009

I'm going to Boise next month where I get to eat stuff like this at an excellent eating establishment that my baby brother just happens to own and I don't plan on sharing! Suck it.


Sunday, April 12, 2009

makes me laugh

The post with K's picture makes me laugh.  The one where she is crying with her cousins around her laughing.  You so know she is really not crying!  If by some chance she really was crying you know it was just to get something.  It totally cracks me up.  I am laughing out loud all by myself.   I can't stop.  She still does that you know...

Hello to all my fan.

I'm still alive and doing well.  Actually, I am doing great!  I am having a DosXX and a brisket sandwich.  Happy Easter!  
I went home to visit the parents today and a few of my aunts and uncles were there.  It was great to see them.  It always makes me a bit sad to be there because there are many bad memories there.  Don't get me wrong, there are way many more good memories but the bad ones sometimes win.  I start to think about the distance I put between myself and my whole family during the whole coming out process.  I still feel it but maybe it is just my imagination.  I think that I am always a bit on the defense.  I don't want to be caught off guard but there really is nothing to protect myself from; they are fairly harmless.  It was a good day.  I love Michael Jackson; go on girl!
So last week I worked like 100 hours and was exhausted on saturday.  I napped for nearly 4 hours.  I felt hung-over and like an old tranny.   Speaking of old trannies...
Last weekend I was at Costco and I saw an old tranny with an old gay man.  She was probably in her 50s but looked fabulous!  She was all buffed out and lifting cases of all kinds of stuff all over the place.  She had Madonna arms and was flexing quite a bit.  I followed her for awhile but never got the courage to talk to her.  She did nearly kill us in the parking lot so I was pretty happy.  That is her in the Mercedes that is heading right for us!  
Oh, I am also back into Gaysians.  Is that weird?  I really dont think so.  Why can't we just lust after people and not worry about where they are from?  Yes, we can!

His name is Peter Le and he has a great... uh... face.  Yes, his face is spectacular.  
What happened to Peter Gabriel?  He used to rock...In your eyes...
Maybe I like ketchup.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Some days are a bitch

I'm struggling here and I'm not happy about it. I feel like I'm floundering in water that is too deep and all I have to do is get up and walk out but I can't. I want to go back to June 6th, 2008 when my head was clear and I was in the zone. This is why some days are a bitch and I hate not being in total control.


Monday, April 6, 2009

Just so you know.

You know why I don't like carrot cake? Because I don't like anyone sneaking vegetables in to my dessert. Stay in the healthy vegetable category and far away from my unhealthy chocolate. Thank you.

Friday, April 3, 2009

I was born to be on Broadway

Guess who got tickets to go see Wicked? Doing my little happy dance...

Look, I had to actually live these moments, the least you can do is look at it!

I would like you to guess which child I am. Yes, the crying child would be correct. I have no idea why I was crying or why my parents thought this should be a moment to capture for prosperity but I have to wonder why my cousins are smiling so big. You know they did something to make me cry. Look how my cousin Sharon is looking at me out of the side of her eyes...childhood can be so cruel can't it?
Well I do declare, who is this darling young girl with the parasol? Just how precious am I posing by the lake, looking at the beautiful swans. My mom must have worked like mad to get this picture. All I ask is why?

Please allow me to preface this statement with it was the 1970's; in case you couldn't tell. There are so many funny things in this picture. For instance, who is the man in the blue jacket taking our picture? Why is my dad doing his best impression of Burt Reynolds with his white pants and jacket thrown, oh so casually, over his right shoulder? Why is my brother holding up our dog like that and doesn't Pepe (I didn't name him!) look like he would rather be anywhere but there? Don't you love my mom's Mary Tyler Moore bouffant flip hairdo? I loved that dog I was holding, his name was Sambo. Yes, I do know that today that would be very politically incorrect.

May I just ask why my mom didn't feel it necessary to put clothes on me for this picture? Were they all in the laundry? Thank goodness I had my long ponytails covering up my itty bitty lady bits. This picture is so retro and I do believe whoever took this picture had some sort of problems with knowing how to center a photo, unless they were trying to get a picture of the couch and we just happened to get in the way. I also love the painting of my brother and I up on the wall. The best thing in the picture is the obligatory wooden utensils hanging on the wall behind us. Every house in the 1960-1970's was required to have them. How I love my mom's smile, she's such a beauty.