Friday, December 28, 2007

What is going on?

I just saw this man walking down the street with a fedora, a trench coat and sunglasses with really nice shoes on. He kept looking around like someone was following him. It was the weirdest thing, it's like he stepped out of some old movie. My very own stereotypical gumshoe. I'm checking that off my list of things I wanted to see before I die.

Today my hair looks like I'm wearing a spartan helmet. What the hell? I wet it down and combed through with my fingers and the helmet head is back! Why do things like this always happen to me? On days where I have no one to witness such phenomena. This is why I need a camera crew with me at all times, to document this shit.


Dinner and a show

My husband showed up at my office to take me to lunch yesterday and we ended up at a place that is very popular here in SA. I won't mention it by name but it is always crowded and their specialty is fried food. While it was quite busy we were able to get a seat at the counter where apparently all the action happens. This is the kind of place where all the waitresses are yelling out their orders and address every female with "mama", as in "Here's your order, mama", "You want more soda, mama", you get the general idea. (general idea)

The "Head Mama in Charge" was just standing around watching her waitresses run around like crazy with a surly look on her face so you knew trouble was gonna go down. Big Red and I had the prime seat for the main event - it started right at the end of our meal. It was quite funny and we couldn't help but be mesmerized by this heated discussion and I have to hand it to the other workers there who just kept right on working. Maybe this is a daily thing? It ended with the waitress yelling at her manager "JUST FIRE ME ALREADY, I DON'T CARE!" The manager pushed her in to the back office to continue the argument, much to my disappointment. We postponed leaving, hoping a body would come flying out of the kitchen, but no such luck. Who knew with lunch we were going to get a show? This may make me return on a more consistent basis just for kicks.

Side note: This place is not for dieters but one found their way in and sat right next to me. She ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with a side salad and NO FRIES! (She repeated this several times) While she ate her diet platter, my huge fried chicken sandwich with onion rings arrived and I dug in like a woman in lust. I could actually feel the loathing emanating from her hefty bulk and I looked over and smiled. I think she wanted to smack me but she was a lady after all, and held herself in check while I slathered on my mayo and ate with a child's delight. We ate the leftovers last night for dinner but without the ringside seats, it just wasn't quite the same.


Friday, December 21, 2007


So ever play mini-golf? Led me to wonder why there aren't more mini-sports? I mean the mini in mini-golf is the course, right? What if mini-football was played on a small field with a little ball? There could be mini cheerleaders on the side with their mini pom-poms! We could sell mini hot dogs while we wave our mini foam fingers! Please don't try and persuade me that ping-pong is mini-tennis. I realize it is sometimes called table tennis, I am of the baby boomer generation. But mini-baseball, mini-soccer, mini-hockey, etc...where are these sports and why hasn't someone done something about this? I see a franchise of mini-sports in my future, it's gonna make millions. I'm gonna get cracking on this, right after my afternoon nap.


OMG, I'm hot!

Okay so I watched one of those movies where two people magically switched places and ended up in each others bodies and I thought of all the things I would do if that actually happened to me ('cause it can!). Would you look at yourself, naked, in the mirror all day? Would you go out and get a huge, hilarious tattoo? Would you masturbate and think how weird this feels?

What if you switched places with someone of the opposite sex? We all know a man with a woman's body would rub his/her new found boobies all day. But would you go and screw yourself just so you could see what you look like during sex? Think about it, you're screwing yourself!! I know, I know...who the hell thinks of these things? Me. Tell me this stuff wouldn't blow your mind??!


I have a big cookie.

The title of this blog is a direct quote from by friend TB at work. It was just a random sample of things she says on a daily basis.

Did you ever have to work the day before or after a holiday and try to look busy by shuffling papers around but actually sat around chatting all day dissing the people who are on vacation, surfing the internet or stuffing your face with snacks all the other loser's who had to work that day brought in to make themselves feel better? neither.


Thursday, December 13, 2007

Hi, I'm K and I am a Xmas movieholic.

I know, I know..ridiculous but true. If you knew me, you wouldn't believe it, but it is my dirty secret. I have actually cancelled plans to stay home to watch these fascinating bits of movie history. My all time favorite? A Christmas Carol, in any form or fashion. I love the original and I love ALL the remakes - Ebbie (had my husband set the DVR to record this), A Diva's Christmas Carol (love Vanessa Williams), A Muppet Christmas Carol, etc...

I love the whole message of life passing you by then waking up and realizing it's not too late. I will watch all the sappy new holiday movies but for some reason I just can't do "It's a wonderful life" or "Miracle on 34th street". Don't get me wrong, I like them but I'll keep surfing the cable guide for something else. Do you think with digital cable that T.V. Guide has lost a lot of money? Do people still get that in the mail?


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Who has crabs?

Well, well, well, so K thinks I am crabby? WTF! I am NOT crabby! You need to shut up!

Ok, so maybe I have been a bit crabby of late. I truly believe it has to with the fact that I cannot wait until some time off and the end of the year. It is like my expiration date is quickly approaching--December 31, 2007. It will be a new year soon and I will be fresh--2008! I like the number 8!

So today I had a long conference call and meeting following the call. I decided to totally change the service provided in one of program. We have a curriculum and a consultant that we may no longer use. If we get the money we will provide, in my opinion, a better service that is evidence based. It is also a service that ALL parents want. There are A LOT of ifs in this equation but if it happens it could be great for the families we serve! I am excited and hesitant all at the same time. I am getting a headache just thinking about it.

Ok, so K and I have this "son". His name is Spider Monkey and he is 27 years old (or maybe 26) anyway, he lost his glasses a few days ago and cannot find them. He cannot see far away. What the hell is that called? I am brain dead! Anyway, he needs them to drive or see faw away. He has been driving and working without them. Who the fuck loses their glasses that also does not need their mommy to tuck them in at night? Near-Sighted!! I think he stuck them in his new boytoy's ass. I think he should look their first. They are in his butt. You are welcome! H


I just ate Chick-fil-a and I am so full I could bork. It wasn't a large lunch, just your average combo but it did take me over an hour to eat it. I was multi-tasking! This may be why I am so full. Multi-tasking and lunch obviously do not go together.

So H and I are crabby. We have been crabby a lot lately, we could be on the same cycle. I don't mind being crabby, sometimes crabby keeps people away. Or is that prickly that keeps people away? Anyway, being grouchy is normal human behavior so why is it that we are made to feel bad because of it? Why is it that people embrace those happy go lucky types who always have a smile on their face and something positive to say in a terrible situation? Just because they are more pleasant to be around? What a crock of...I especially hate to be told that I'm grouchy by another grouch. I just want to scream at them "YOU WERE A BITCH YESTERDAY AND PISSED ALL OVER ME WITH YOU ROTTING PUTRID ATTITUDE - NOW YOU SUDDENLY DEVELOP MEMORY LOSS AND BECAUSE TODAY IS SUNSHINE AND ROSES FOR YOU I SHOULD BE HAPPY!!" It could be the holidays, I feel forced to be full of good cheer while I fight traffic, stress out over the perfect gift and hear jingle bells for the 489th time in every language.

Believe me, if a good attitude was something you could buy I'd have a closet full of it for every day of the year. Can I just have a bad day and not feel guilty about it? Thank you and have a nice day.


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Deep Thoughts

The following were entries in a Deep Thoughts Contest:

  • If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
  • I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
  • If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
  • To me, it's a good idea to carry around two sacks of something when you're just walking around. That way, if anyone says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?", you can say "Sorry, got these two sacks."
  • It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3rd or December 26th, just for the long weekends.
  • Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for the part about letting just any asshole vote.
  • I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
  • Once, I wept for a man with no shoes. Then I came upon a man with no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?

Made me chuckle...K

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy...asking him to love her.

Oh my, this makes my heart go all aflutter. I love this movie. It was on TV again this weekend and I had to cancel all plans just so I could curl up on the sofa and watch this for the 100th time. I don't even like Hugh Grant but I loved his awkward, bumbling character. I liked him in Love Actually as well. You know what? Maybe I do like Hugh Grant! I'm going to have to go ponder on this, it may change my whole outlook on life. No wait... I didn't like him in Bridget Jones or 4 weddings and a funeral. I will go back to my original statement of not really liking Hugh Grant after all.
We may now return to our originally scheduled discussion of Notting Hill. There are so many things I loved about this movie. I really loved when she goes to him and says the title of this post. I loved his goofy flatmate and his weird quirks. I loved that when he couldn't find his glasses to go to the movies he wore his diving mask in the theatre. (the pic) I loved how he said "whoops a daisy" when he couldn't get over the fence. I loved when he brought Julia Roberts to a family dinner and his sister followed her in the bathroom. AWKWARD! I think that's what makes this movie so great, it is filled with uncomfortable and awkward moments and I love moments like that because love IS awkward.

Monday, December 10, 2007


You know, I normally don't rant about commercials for the reason that they are commercials.  They are targeting a specific audience.  If you are offended, don't understand, or hate them then they are probably not targeting you!  

That being said, I really tend to agree with K on this one.  She is walking around with no pants and the guy is laying around with no shirt.  AND their kid is mulato!  I think this is the whole Brangelina influence at its worst.  Two good looking white parents with the little dark skinned baby they saved from Mumbazarwaristein. 

I'm not racist, I'm not getting all white supremacy on you.  I just don't need Old Navy to force this story line of an adoption on me in a 15 second spot.  

If anyone else has to do the sweater and underwear combination they need to do it like this:

Isn't this just better?!
My humble opinion.


Does this make sense? I saw an Old Navy ad this weekend on T.V. You know the one where she is in front of a roaring fire wearing a big cable knit sweater, Ugg boots and bikini underwear?! Now call me crazy, but I believe if you are that cold than you should be wearing pants!! Do they not sell pants at Old Navy? Did they have a big shipment of striped bikini's that they need to move out; hence the "no pants" ad? My husband would have turned to me and said "woman, I'm burning up, if you are this cold put some pants on!" Because in reality, it's just good common sense to wear pants!