Tuesday, May 6, 2008


So this weekend the sibling went to a Catholic retreat. It was two and half days of sharing, praying, meditating, learning, teaching with other women. I know several people that have gone and just come back as different, enlightened people. I really think my sibling is one of those. Yea, her! They also have one of these retreats for men. They are held only once a year and there are waiting lists to go. Ok, so here is where the problem begins. I would LOVE to go to something like that BUT I can't. I would not be allowed because I am of the homosexual persuasion.

We went to a candle light service on Saturday where all the ladies came in and we surprised them by being there. It was beautiful and very moving, we all cried. Then at mass on Sunday it was the same. Very spiritual, uplifting, and moving. We spent all weekend with my parents and we talked a lot about a lot of things. The topic of the Catholic church evolving came up because my parents go to a church where they a very old school priest that has changed a lot of things. He says he has changed things back to the way they used to be. He has made sure that all the sinners (people living together or divorced cannot receive communion). Whatever... So we kept talking and I eventually said well if he is that old school he would probably damn me straight to hell once he met R. It took my parents a bit to understand what I was saying but they finally did.

I went on to say that this is the reason I have not gone to church in a long time. I don't feel welcomed at any church. Many Catholic churches in SA have smaller community groups that get together for prayer, food, and just fun. I would not be a able to be a part of that because I would not be accepted by most. I also would not want to put myself in the position to be rejected by some of the people because I love a man.

So my mom told me that I should not stop going because of that. She told me it could be individual thing for me. I told her that I did not want to be treated like a second class citizen and sit in the back of the church and not speak to anyone. I just do not want to do that. THEN my mother said the thing that I had NEVER thought about. She said, oh I guess you couldn't receive communion either; you shouldn't receive communion. So my mother thinks I am sinner is what I took from that. I also took that she too believes I am going to HELL. If I cannot receive the body and blood of Christ then I am going to hell. I HAD NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY! When I was going to church I always received communion.

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