Friday, April 25, 2008

When does the sun shine on my face?

I keep waiting to wake up and feel normal but I don't. It's just one series of road bumps after another. So they put me on insulin to heal and it's been okay, I've been able to give myself shots 4 times a day. I have even gotten used to testing my blood sugars 5 times a day. I've been to the doctor a few times since getting out of the hospital and my sugars are doing great. If all this is true then why do I feel like such shit?

This surgery has really messed with my body and I'm feeling it on every square inch. The constipation has probably been the worst of it and my stomach muscles are now finally able to do a little work but it doesn't seem to be helping. I stopped the painkillers to deal with this and I'm still suffering. I'm taking laxatives like candy and still I suffer. WHY??!!!

Now two of my incisions are infected and they won't release me for work until Wednesday??!! This has been one hell of a crappy two weeks and I hope I never have to go in the hospital again. I haven't even started on the estrogen so I can't even imagine how that will fuck with my body even more. I have so much medicine in me that I am like a huge toxic landfill.

How could anyone love this? When I see my doctor on Tuesday I want to scream at him for what he's done to me!! I just don't care about anyone or anything else right now. Is this me or the menopause talking? Or is this just me hyped up on meds? I don't even know anymore....


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