Friday, January 30, 2009

I love you. You love me too...right?

I read an article this morning about the moment every person in a new relationship dreads. When one of you is the first to say "I love you" and you hope they say it back. This woman said it first and he didn't say it back so she is now freaking out. Has this ever happened to you? I have to admit I have only said it first once. But I have been on the receiving end of it when I didn't feel the same. Let's call him O'Henry.

O'Henry was one of the relationships I had just because I had nothing else going on at the time. You know what I mean right? The just passing time guy? He was in the military and was transferred to San Diego from Hawaii after a couple of months of us dating. I figured it would wear itself out as most long distance relationships do in time. Who knew he would turn in to an obsessed stalker? At first I loved all the attention. Phone calls every day and cards and letters all the time. He used to clip out that little newspaper cartoon "Love is..." Remember those? The little chubby couple who always said something cute like "Love is...never having to say you're sorry."

Anyway, he also sent gifts and those always made me scratch my head. He would send a memento of dates we had like a stuffed dolphin for the time we went to Sea Life Park or a carved boat sculpture for the time we went on a dinner cruise. What? Why?

Now I am not a collector of stuff, never was and never will be. I consider stuff like that clutter and just don't like knick knacks. After I got the second box of stuff he called me to talk and that is when he pulled out the big guns and said the words. They totally took me by surprise because I didn't think we were moving in that direction. I mean he was gone, how far could this relationship go? I sort of giggled and told him that he was so sweet. He told me I didn't have to say it back and that in time it would come. I remember a switch going off in my brain and that is when he moved to the junk pile. My way of dealing with the junk pile was to stuff them in a closet and forget them. Who knew O'Henry would become more persistent ie: desperate?

Once I started avoiding him like the plague he would leave long messages on my answering machine and not just one but like seven in a row all within an hour. Psycho. We finally talked and I told him it was over and he seemed to be okay. Time moved on and two years later he sent me a letter out of the blue telling me he still thought about me and to write to him if I felt the same. Needless to say I never wrote. O'Henry wasn't the only relationship where I gave less than I received but again...thanks to my heartbreaking first love, I'm not sure if I ever gave 100% until I met my husband.

I know, I did reading this article turn in to a post about an ex? I don't know, it just reminded me of that particular relationship. Sometimes I think it's good to examine old relationships because it makes me feel even stronger about the one I am currently in. I like to think I learn from past mistakes, isn't that human nature?


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