Friday, January 16, 2009

I almost died last night!

You ever have both your parents on the phone at the same time and you have to repeat everything you say? Oy Vey! Yesterday was their wedding anniversary, which my dad forgot about. When I called to wish them Happy 48 years my mom replied with "you're the only one who remembered". When my dad got on the other line they proceeded to argue which I had to listen to...I wanted to stick knives in my eardrums so I wouldn't have to listen anymore.

Anyway, they kept asking me why I was cutting out so much and I figured it was just their phone. So Big Red comes in to kiss me goodnight 'cause he had to go to work, and I notice the Internet is down as well. I check the cable and the guide isn't showing up either. It finally dawns on me that cable, phone and Internet is down and I am utterly alone with no means of communication!!! I immediately think some crackpot is outside the house cutting our cable line because he saw my husband leave and is waiting to attack me while my defenses are down. I knew someday I would meet a sticky end.

So instead of calling Time Warner Cable I decided to lock the dogs and myself in the bedroom and hide under the covers. It is approximately 8:03 and this is the witching hour for most mass murderers. I text Red to let him know that I am a sitting duck for any escaped convicts roaming our neighborhood and he texts me back to call the cable company. I respond with "The phone is down! Hello!" To which he answers "Then how are you texting me??". Ah cell phone works.

Feeling just a tad stupid, I decide instead of being proactive I would rather just do my best impression of a senior citizen and sleep. I slept for nine hours last night and have had 2 large coffees this morning, it is only 7:20 a.m. I just texted H and he will not stop at McDonald's and get me another coffee because he is an ass. Men are useless creatures in times of need, aren't they?


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