I have finally started to tell my closest friends. The work-wife knows but that doesn't count; you tell your spouse everything. I emailed P in El P yesterday and she replied she understood. I hadn't talked to her in a long time, maybe nearly two months. I know I need to tell my other friends that keep calling me but it is a hard thing to admit. I have to admit that all the advice I have been giving them I now need. I have to admit that I am not as strong as I once thought I was.
The other thing that totally SUCKS is that I can't drink. I love to drink. Last friday I drank 5 Cosmos and 5 Blue Moons. I was so fucked up! It was weird, I had a hard time walking and felt light-headed but was not slurring my words. I was totally lucid and making complete sense. On the way home R told me you don't sound drunk, and I didn't. I did totally feel sooooo fucking depressed. I cried all the way home but was able to talk to him about so much. He talked to me and we had a great conversation. He bought me tacos because I really hadn't eaten anything. I had a few chips and two mushrooms. Anyway, I didn't eat them because I just couldn't stop crying. I was fine once we went to bed and he held me. The next day I was fine too. I was starving but OK. I dont think I can do that again.
Depressed but can't cry. Depressed but can't drink. Depressed and can't feel a thing. Oh, yea the meds also make me constipated! Yippee!
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