Artificial

So yesterday I completely felt exhausted. I felt like I just wanted to collapse into a heap of fat and head. I was reminded that just becuase I can't feel emotion I still am not happy. I am artificially happy. I hate it. I am slowly coming to terms with some of my most pressing issues. I have a long way to go though.

I also feel like I don't know how long I can stay in my current job. The thing is that I don't have the energy or the desire to go look for another job. The idea of starting over at a new job just makes me want to bork. In my current job there are some changes in the near future -- maybe.
I hope that that will be enought to change my attitude. I am not sure.

Oh, I am also an old lady now. A grandgaymother if you will. I had to stop and buy a daily pill dispenser becuase I cannot remember to take my meds. Yesterday R had to bring me my meds at work becuase I forgot to take it. By mid morning I thought wait, I think I did take my pill this morning. I think I may have taken two yesterday. I don't know.

I think I just need to take a week off and veg. I want to do nothing. I don't want to travel anywhere, especially not in a plane.

What the fuck was I saying...