Friday, December 12, 2008

Weren't the Osmonds mormon? WTF is up with me and mormons?

Who had their office Christmas party today at a kinda lame mexican place? Who went drinking after said party and laughed her ass off? Who laughed all the way home (assless) because someone would not shut up when his check engine light came on? The things you have to put up with from a designated driver. Almost makes me want to quit drinking...almost.

I also admitted tonight, in front of my group, that I used to have the biggest love of my life school girl teenage heartbreak crush on...Donny Osmond. It's true. Who didn't love that crazy page boy hair and corduroy hat?? Don't even get me started on the big 'ole white teeth, made my little girl heart thump right out of her chest. I never missed the Donny and Marie Show - "I'm a little bit country and I'm a little bit rock and roll" know I sat there singing along out loud and proud! I had my whole room done in purple because he liked purple. I had his double album that I would play and look at his pictures with hearts in my eyes like crazy cartoon lovers. I knew without a doubt in my mind that when I grew up I would be Mrs. Donny Osmond. Oh how fun it would be to be part of the big Osmond family and Marie and I would be like sisters!
Then one dark day, we were watching T.V. and there it was. The announcement that forever changed my life. Donny Osmond got married. There it was, like a cold hard slap in my young, adolescent face and my tiny heart shattered in a million pieces. I ran to my bedroom, ripped one of his posters off the wall and flung myself face down on my bed in hysterical sobs. I clearly remember my father coming in after me and rubbing my back and telling me it was going to be okay but I would never be okay again. (oh, how my father must have wanted to laugh at me) I hated her! How could she take my Donny away? I must have played "Puppy Love" and "I knew you when" hundreds of times while I cried in my pillow. I was at least 10 years old and thought my whole world had come crashing in. Good times.
Who just listened to all her Donny Osmond oldies on I-tunes and now feels sad? BIG BUCK TOOTHED BASTARD WHO BROKE MY HEART! Who, apparently, has never quite gotten over this loss from 3 decades ago? I think I'm going to go and remind my husband how lucky he is that Donny married someone else.

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