Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's 12:20 a.m. Thursday morning and I can't sleep because I have so much shit in my head. I feel like I have been on fast forward for the second week in a row and I can't seem to stop and be still for a moment. I just returned from Hawaii on Sunday and I am leaving again for Hawaii on Friday...tomorrow. Damn, my brain is fried. I have so much to get done at work before I go and I feel guilty when my husband calls me at night to ask me when I am coming home. I go to work and it's dark and I come home and it's dark and I can't even remember if I'm coming or going. I had 5 cups of coffee this morning and I'm operating on 4 hours of sleep a night. I know I am going to come crashing down but I'm hoping it won't be until the plane ride.

I dread this trip more than anything because I hate funerals, who doesn't? I just got done writing out the eulogy and now feel drained. I just want my life back to normal, is that selfish? I feel like it is. I spent all of last week sad and watched people around me suffer so this week I have not wanted to pause and think about all that. But tonight I got in to bed and pulled up the blanket that she made me and burst in to tears. So I come here to e-mail myself a to do list for work tomorrow so I won't think about it. So far, distraction not working.


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