Monday, July 7, 2008

Food is such a cold hearted bitch

H and I have our daily struggles. That is fairly obvious with this blog. While we follow different paths with different challenges; there is one path we walk together and that is our relationship with food. To put it kindly - food and I have a tumultuous relationship. If food were a real person I would not be friends with it. It is a love hate relationship with food having mutual feelings I'm sure. I love to eat. Food tastes sooo good, it comforts me when I am feeling down, it brings people together at family functions, it celebrates our milestones (who doesn't have birthday cake?), it rewards us on special occasions and it sustains our daily lives.

Yet it is the source of my frustration and pain on more occasions than I care to admit. I long for it at times, like a long lost love that has left me broken hearted. It leads me down a dark path with temptation. It makes me promises it never keeps (just taste me, that will satisfy your craving!) It disappoints me again and again yet I keep letting it back in my life thinking this time will be different. Food is like a past lover that never lets go of your heart.

Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship with food? Probably not, it will always be the monkey on my back. The only power I have is over myself. This is just one more thing I will have to learn to deal with on a daily basis much like my diabetes. It's there and it 'aint going nowhere so I need to learn to get along with it. Until I conquer this fear/hatred/love that I have for food I will never be able to put it in the past with all those other old lovers I eventually got over.

While I have no doubt I will remain strong I also know I will stumble and fall every so often and that is okay too. At least I don't walk this path alone and I have people who will help me get up when I do fall. After all, those past lovers don't hold a candle to Big Red and look what a healthy and happy relationship I am in now. Sigh...perhaps food and I will end up holding hands and skipping off in to the sunset. If I don't end up cutting out it's cold, dead heart and burying it first. :-)


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