Two things that I must get off my chest and they are not my boobs.

Uno - I pulled a Roman yesterday. I had an appointment at 6 for my PT and while we were on our way I kept telling my husband "why didn't I book this appointment at their other location, it would have been way more convenient". Apparently I had the foresight to do just that, but could not for the life of me remember how smart I really am. Too much useless shit taking up room in my brain? We hauled ass to the other location and still got there in time. Moral of the story...double check all appointments 'cause I be too old to remember.

I don't like jet ski riding sock monkeys and wouldn't he just get soaked and sink to the bottom? Come on now.

Dos - I really don't like that Kia Sorento (sounds like some girls name) commercial with the sock monkey and pals. Never did like sock monkeys anyway but I especially don't like his freaky friends, It's fat cousin from Adam's Family, and big red dildo dude with arms. They creep me out. Sock monkeys just look like they are wearing long johns, stupid. Just show me what the vehicle does and move on, don't take me on a nightmarish acid trip or I won't buy your car because I'm scared they will pop up in the backseat. Which ad executive came up with these ridiculous toys, obviously he had a troubled childhood.

What kind of toy is this anyway???? Highly suspect.

I have no words for chunky cousin It here except his hat is too small for his head.

K

Easy like a Sunday morning

This weekend has started off great, aside from the inevitable monkey on my back otherwise known as moving the clocks forward. UGH.

It started off with ice cold margaritas and chips and queso on Friday night. Which meant we ended up in bed by 9 p.m. but bed is precisely where I like to be, so it ended on a high note for me. Today we went to the movies "Book of Eli" and then to the library. This library is so pretty and has a wonderful outdoor space with rocking chairs and a beautiful park attached to it. As you can see Max had the best time running around sniffing and marking his territory as dogs are known to do.



We sat out in rocking chairs and read our library books while Max played. It was a perfectly lovely day. It's only 4 p.m. on a Saturday evening and I'm thinking of napping. How great is that?

K

Full of excuses

I know, it's a cop out but I have been busy. Yes, China Mommy, I got your message on Facebook.


Excuse#1 - My finance assistant is out on maternity...one month earlier than expected. I was totally unprepared, my bad.


Excuse#2 - School is kicking my ass. Why I ever thought I could keep a full time job and attend school at night is beyond me. Maybe I'm just too old.


Excuse#3 - My partner in this blog is a slacker. You would think he could at least pick up some of what I am dropping, but no. Men are just so selfish, aren't they?


Excuse#4 - I haven't been motivated/inspired to talk about life 'cause it's dragging me down, man. Don't get me wrong, life is good, I'm just weary. I'm sitting here at my desk, during my lunch hour, sipping on soup because I am too tired to chew. What the hell?


Does it help that I totally prettied up my excuses with colors and made them bold? No?


So let's just get up to speed shall we? Fast Eddie left us for greener pastures, Michelle broke up with her man/boy, Kugo continues to torment people and little gay R is dating like a mad man. I think that is about it. Back to me.


I keep this book at work. It's like a work diary/journal/to-do list and I have had it since 2004. It's full of work info and various tidbits and why on earth am I even telling you about it? It's 2010 and I am down to the last two blank pages in my book. The very end of this book are full of tidbits and notes and I wrote "I worry about the buildup on my colon walls thanks to the stupid commercial by Benetol". Doesn't everyone?


I also have two pages full of things we have either mispronounced or misunderstood, so all us of are in the book. I wish I could share more of my book but seriously, I have to get back to work because it is a Friday and I want to be out the door by 4. Someone needs a weekend, okay? I will share more of what I wrote in K's Slam Book next time I write. Until then, I leave you with this picture of Michelle at our latest staff meeting. As you can tell the meeting was full of excitement such as how to use our telephones. I was able to get a little bit of Jana in there too. Hold me back!



K

TGIF

Sigh....why?

I know, that's the reaction I had too. I almost had a seizure looking at this. Can someone please explain this to me? What statement do you think she was trying to make because I really don't understand it. From the top of her head to the tip of her toes I am baffled. How does she walk in those things on her feet? How did her milkshake ever bring the boys to the yard? I'm just going to sit here scratching my head over this one and get lost in the crazy.

K

Get over it

Every morning the radio station I listen to has this segment called "Get Over It". Listeners call in to tell people to get over something like...yeah I stole your husband, get over it! Some of it is ridiculous but I find myself using this phrase because when there is nothing else to say "Get Over It" fits quite nicely.

It was beautiful last weekend and all of a sudden sucky weather is back and it's cold. WTH? I'm ready for spring and am tired of the cold weather. I am thankful I don't live in Michigan or North Dakota, where they are snowed in.

Big Red and I went to Lowe's this weekend and don't you hate when you go there and you get bitten by the home improvement bug? Well we did, to the tune of about $4,000 just for all the interior work we want done. Our plan was to go home to Hawaii this summer but we may trade that in for all the plans we have with the house. Will someone please tell me where to find a good handyman because I have no idea where to start and don't get me started on painters. We reallllllly need to paint the exterior of our home and I don't even want to know how much that will cost.

It's Monday therefore I am not feeling remotely funny or clever or witty. Sorry. We have a new employee starting today so I have to get some paperwork together and start my long week. Lord, let it go by footloose and fancy free, whatever that means.

K

The hills are alive...

It's true, my neighborhood is falling apart. The homes on the hill overlooking our neighborhood are not safe, and our property value is sinking as quickly as the hill. Looks like poorly crafted "retaining wall" and lack of permit could be the cause. We are hearing that the part of the hill in question was created to be able to sell more homes at a higher cost, speculation at this point. If this is true, it was not created well. It was not packed correctly and the wall is not sturdy. It is really sad for those 25 families still in hotels. My family is at least back home, but now we live with the uncertainty of the safety of our home, neighborhood and diminishing property value. It is very upsetting.

Walking on sunshine...until the earth caved in and swallowed a house.

The weather this weekend was fabulous! Sunny and in the low 70's, sheer perfection. We opened all the windows and let the sun shine in. We also managed to have a picnic at the park Saturday afternoon and Max had a blast running and chasing his ball. We laid out on a blanket while Big Red read and I people and dog watched. I didn't want it to end but once the breeze got chilly we were out of there.

It was such a beautiful weekend until I got a text from H on Sunday saying he was now homeless! He and Monkey Boy will be at a hotel for a few days due to some natural disaster in their neighborhood...oh the drama. I finally saw it on the news this morning and what a mess. Here is hoping the whole family is back at home soon!

K

Nothing but a b thing (as in birthday)

I heart Pepcid AC because I have had ridiculous heartburn for days and was chewing TUMS like candy, with no noticeable difference at all. It was so pressing that I dropped everything on my desk and took a trip to Walgreen's to talk to the pharmacist. Pepcid AC is now my quick acting friend who will stay in my desk for situations just like this one. I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with my oh so healthy diet (said sarcastically). Heartburn sucks, do you think it's because of my drinking binge from the past weekend? Ha, I call it binge after two margaritas and 2 big ass beers! What does that tell you...I used to be able to suck down shots like a sailor and still walk upright, what the hell? Oh, how the mighty fall, no more liquid lunch birthday celebrations for me! Speaking of birthdays...

Here is Michelle with a big piece of chocolate cake in her hand blowing out her other dessert. Notice her "flirtini" (martini w/champagne) is full, she had many more that night. Fast Eddie made the chocolate cake and it was delish!

I also forgot to tell you that Friday night Michelle fell in the ladies restroom and also left the door unlocked so two women walked in on her. When she told me about it I thought to myself that I need to make sure I go with her the next time she uses the restroom and promptly forgot. When I brought it up Tuesday morning, she didn't even remember. Oh to be 28 and have that just be a little hiccup in your day. I would have bruises and probably would have ended up on crutches with my old bones all fragile like. It sounds like I'm 80, right? If you're only as old as you feel then 80 would be about right. Remember that episode of The Office where Michael was on crutches and fell in the bathroom and got stuck between the toilet and wall? No one wanted to come in and help him. That still makes me laugh. Something tells me I missed a golden comedic moment by not going to the ladies room with Michelle, damn!

K

I only have a minute...

but I wanted to let you know that Michelle was trying to tell me a story and she got these two people confused.

Barry Gordy

Phil Spector

Is it just me or do they not look anything alike even when you are squinting?

I found it incredibly funny but I was on my second margarita so at that point everything was pretty damn funny to me. We had a liquid lunch on Friday for Michelle's birthday (which continued in to a liquid evening) and I am so old that I spent most of Saturday in bed with a headache. God, how I miss the days I could have a few drinks, stay out all night and still get up the next morning feeling fine. Growing up sucks, I'm going back to bed.

K

Max is whack

So I'm a little tired this morning, every morning. Max has been waking me up at night with his needy ways. Almost every night he jumps on the bed in the middle of the night and finds a warm spot at the foot of our bed. We don't mind, it's a big bed and we are only too happy to share. However...Max has been acting up lately during the day by destroying a grocery bag or snagging cough drops off my nightstand and leaving the red cherry colored stains on my side of the bed. Do you think he is mad about something?

Last night he jumped up at 2 a.m. and apparently performed a number from the smash Broadway hit Stomp. Maybe he was doing his impression of an entire marching band marching their way across our bed or he thought it was Mardi Gras and decided to be a float in a parade. I really don't know the reason for his impromptu performance but whatever the reason I finally had to tell him to knock it off and get down. What the hell? We let him out at night if he has to go and he tells us by click click clicking his way down the hall to the kitchen but this week he has been very scrooge like.

I think he may be in love with the doberman next door. They lick each other through the fence and they have formed a connecting hole under the fence where Max leaves his toys for the doberman to play with. It is perfectly fine with me that the doberman is a boy, I am nothing if not tolerant and understanding of all lifestyles. Max whines at the fence whenever he is outside and I do not know how to help him get over it. Please don't suggest I set up a play date for him because he is usually much more aggressive when face to face with other dogs who try to check out his goods, he has got to be a top. So it is back to being more strict with him and no more snacks because his begging is out of control. I hate being mean mom.

K

Please hold...

Sorry, I had to finish my .99 tacos from Jack in the Box. I feel heartburn coming on. So my weekend was fabulous and yesterday was my first day back at school. Microeconomics instead of Macroeconomics...don't ask me the difference 'cause I won't tell you, take the class. I was supposed to have a computer literacy class after that but it was cancelled so I was home by 8 p.m.


I'm quite sure you have heard of Pioneer Woman because she has the most fabulous recipes on her website. Well I decided this would be the weekend to try a recipe because they all sound soooo delicious. Here I am with all the ingredients along with my trusty laptop so I read how to make her food.
We had ribeye steaks, onion strings and crash hot potatoes and yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus because he brought me all the ingredients to make one of the best dinners ever. The onion strings were crunchy, flavorful and best of all the breading did not come off the onion. The crash hot potatoes were so tasty and easy to make but I did add my one little touch and that was bleu cheese. A little fresh rosemary, olive oil, sea salt with bleu cheese crumbles and 20 minutes in the oven made these delicious little potato crispy clouds my own personal heaven. Here is the after picture.

I fully realize I ruined the visual by putting this masterpiece on a paper plate, but oh the dishes I dirtied in the process with all the soaking, prepping, breading, etc....I couldn't deal with one more dirty dish. Cooking from scratch is hard! I love me some Pioneer Woman! Go check her out, she has the best recipes with pictures of every step so it's kind of hard to fuck it up. So take her for a spin and go forth and prosper...or get fat because this is not diet food, folks. I think I gained 10 pounds this weekend.

K

Wouldn't it be funny if people actually could freeze their ass off and all you see is frozen ass in the street?

You have got to be freaking kidding me. 22 degrees? I live in Texas not Antarctica. This is ridiculous so who do I have to talk to to get the heat turned back on in this state? I had to fill my car with gas this morning and I swear to you after just 3 minutes standing out in the cold wind my face was numb...couldn't feel my lips, I had to just assume they were still there and hadn't fallen off or anything. I don't know how people who live in Fargo or Michigan do it for such a long period of time. Are you just made tougher up there? This Hawaii girl is most delicate in frigid weather.

You know what I notice about it being so cold? There is more crap for me to carry. Winter coat...check, scarf...check, gloves...check, sweater for wearing in my office...check, chapstick...check. Where does it end and why is it so much harder getting up in the morning when it is so cold? I slept 7 hours straight last night, didn't even get up to pee. I can only assume people who live in Wisconsin or Minneapolis sleep better than the rest of us. It was fun for a while and I'm done now so...

K

Calgon take me away

I think some days are just destined to kick my ass. There is one thing I hate about working in finance it is the closing period. It is a beating when you're under the gun and things have to happen NOW. It's only 9:30 a.m. and I feel so exhausted and my head hurts. I have to take a minute and center myself because the song "Pressure" by Billy Joel is looping through my mind. You ever wish you could just freeze time and transport yourself to your happy place, just for a little while? Silence is golden, my friend. Maybe I'm just having a bad dream and my maid and butler will come in to wake me up in time for my luxurious bath and bon bons. Oh to dream.

K

1,2,3 say cheese...no look at me...dammit cut it out you guys!

I love this old family photo because look at me being all Ms. Pouty McPout in the back row. I have no idea why I was so mad in this photo. My mom right below me is smiling big and my dad, in the gold shirt on the end, looks happy so why not me? I also love it because no one is really paying attention so I guess this is a typical family photo. We didn't get professional photo's done back then, who would pay money when we could do it ourselves? Now I see why photographers charge so much.

K

Still crazy after all these years.

Do we look psycho? 'Cause we are. Das right.

Who do you think spent the New Year sick? Sigh...every year my sickness falls on a holiday. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, it doesn't matter - the sickness never takes a holiday. I hate the sickness. I am finally feeling a little better today which is a good thing since I am at work. So much to do but my mind is still in vacation mode.

I spent my last day of vacation watching a marathon of "I shouldn't be alive" and "Human Prey"....HUGE MISTAKE! Have you ever watched this? I think it's on the Animal Planet channel. Anyway, I was up until after midnight because I could not stop thinking about being attacked by a bear, or a lion, or a shark, or an alligator, or a hyena...that's right, I saw a story where a man was attacked by a hyena. Did you know they have the most powerful bite of any animal? Ripped his ear clean off while he was sleeping then tried to drag him off. Note to self: CANCEL AFRICAN SAFARI.

Needless to say, my sleep last night was troubled at best. Big Red said I had a nightmare and was crying out, thankfully I don't remember but I hope I kicked it's ass. Now I know what to do if I am ever attacked though and I will be ready. FYI, go for the sharks eyes and they will loosen their jaws. They will probably still come back and eat you but I'd rather go with a sharks eyeball stuck on my thumb, wouldn't you?! I think I fear the shark the most because I am from Hawaii and I love swimming in the ocean so out of all those animals I would most likely be shark bait. Why do I watch things like this? Why do I subject myself to such images? Sick. I would make a resolution to never watch shows like this in 2010 but I don't make New Years resolutions. I have 364 other days to do that.

I did manage to stay up until 1 a.m. and ring in the New Year with my hubby, but for the most part all I did was medicate and sleep. Honestly, not such a bad vacation when you're medicated and warm in bed. Probably not as much fun for Big Red but he had his XBOX 360 new games to keep him busy. Hope the New Year brought nothing but goodness for everyone out there! Now I need to go have a talk with my brain and let it know vacation is over, it won't be pretty.

K

Post Christmas starring Max

3 movies in 3 days and I am now all caught up. Who knew this could wear you out? Avatar, Sherlock Holmes and The Blind Side...all great but I cried through most of one of them, can you guess which one? Christmas was great, as usual. Hope your holiday was equally fun and safe. We ate, got some good stuff, talked with family and just enjoyed the time off. I'm sort of over eating out though, I just want to eat a sandwich at home. One of us was more excited to open gifts, bet you can't guess which one. My parents sent him peanut butter dog biscuits and it's like dog crack because I can't get him off the stuff now. Thanks mom and dad for making your grand-dog an addict. Now I'll need some sort of intervention for him.
Speaking of my lovable canine companion, please enjoy the following picture of what happens when he gets stuck in the spare bedroom while we are at work. I opened the door and found him sitting there with a look on his face like "What? It was like this already." How could I scold him when he was really just trying to get out. Yes, we must now replace the flooring, curtains and bedding. Not expensive at all, she sarcastically said. Oy vey.
My bed beckons to me because I am tired from eating too much, watching movies and napping. Holiday's are really exhausting, aren't they? Peace out.

K

Why didn't anyone tell me about Kona Grill?!

Big Red and I went on another date Saturday night and it was wonderful. We decided to try a new place we have never been before, Kona Grill. First of all it was beautiful inside, loved the huge fish tank and modern furnishings. Since we weren't familiar with their menu we went with whatever our waitress recommended and did she know her stuff! We started with margaritas and even though they were small they were packed with a punch. After just one, I was feeling the effects. :-) We had the chicken pot stickers and they had a touch of spice but crunchy and tasty all the same. Red had the steak and I had the macadamia nut chicken and we shared. The chicken was a little bland by itself but the two sauces that come with it were so yummy! Even the garlic skin on mashed potatoes and the grilled veggies (peppers..yum) were delicious. I had some of Red's steak and it was tender and nicely seasoned and I even tried asparagus for the first time and it wasn't too bad. Moving on to dessert... brownie sundae for me and warm apple crisp for my hubby, along with a big cup of Kona coffee. Onolicious! Their desserts were the perfect size, not too much but not too little and they were exactly the perfect way to end the meal.

We were so impressed and can't wait to go back again. The service, atmosphere and the food were outstanding even though we were $80 poorer, we felt it was worth it. After the meal (which surprisingly did not make me feel overstuffed) we walked around La Cantera. If you've never been there it is an upscale outdoor shopping mall and all the trees have white lights, comfortable chairs are scattered everywhere so you can cop a squat, Christmas music was playing and all the outdoor fountains were running. It was almost magical for us. It felt romantic and very Christmassy. It was such a wonderful date night and the cold just added to the heady vibe we had from our margaritas even though we had finished it off with coffee. Ahhh, another lovely weekend and Christmas is only 4 days away. I'm on vacation starting Wednesday and I can't wait to decompress with my baby and enjoy a quiet holiday. Life is good.

K

Just checking in

Not much to cover because my brain is on vacation but if you're reading Bye Bye Pie, which I know you are, who isn't? All the cool kids are doing it. She wanted us all to do random acts of kindness and really shouldn't we be doing it all the time anyway? So this morning me and the Mr. went out for breakfast and paid for this elderly man eating breakfast alone and booked it out of there before anyone could tell him about it.

Before my parents moved away my mom gave me some of her clothes and one of them was a navy blue sweater that I wore yesterday. The sweater smells just like my mom...still. It made me miss her and wish we were spending the holidays with her. I called to let her know I received her box and she started crying and that made me miss her more. Oh the holidays do make one sentimental don't they? So I had to include a picture of my beautiful mom holding me as a baby. My mom is such a beauty.

I received my final grade for Principles of Macroeconomics and I got an A! This was just the boost of confidence I needed to make me feel like I made the right choice in going back to school. We'll see if I'm feeling that way next semester when I start school full time instead of part time while I continue to work full time. Fun times! Speaking of school here is a school pic of me in the 2nd grade. Can you tell which one I am? I have the goofiest look on my face with my blue daisy dress and pigtails. Ridiculous. Why am I making that face? Such fashionable clothes back then. Okay I have to make like a baby and head out. So much time and so little to do..strike that, reverse. Remember that line from Willy Wonka (minus the making like a baby part)??!

K

Does this cross make me look fat?

Last week was H's birthday and someone here got him this HUGE cross as a gift. This person has never read this blog or they would know H's struggles with being a gay catholic. So of course, me being the supportive, understanding friend that I am chose to make fun of him instead. His face as he opened it was priceless...sometimes there are no words.

K