What the?

I was partaking in one of my favorite pastimes while I was on the internet - no, not porn - this isn't H, shopping for shoes. Oh my, the cutest red Mary Jane's that I ever laid eyes on. When all of a sudden I clicked on the next page and these hideous things assaulted my eyes!!

My first thought was what the fuck? I had to click on them and they are called muk luk's, oh the name is just as bad as the picture. I think the name may even be fuglier than the actual shoe/slipper/sock. My second thought was who would wear this monstrosity? I bet you Sarah Palin wears them. She's a moose hunter from Alaska, it's a given. Where on the frozen tundra would you be caught dead in these?

I had to avert my eyes and then close the website because I started feeling queasy. Who knew shoe shopping could lead to such tragedy? I feel dirty.

K

Yeah, whateva'

       "Lil' ol' me"

What the fuck, Why the hell did K write so much and about lil’ ol’me?!  I guess I do write the way I talk. Never noticed.  Hmm.  I guess I do.  Yes. I do. I also write in short sentences.  Maybe it is because I am not a writer like K.  She is right, I have not written very often.  I really haven’t had much to say that was entertaining.  If you haven’t guessed or figured it out I am depressed, or should I say WAS depressed.  It totally sucked but I am feeling better.  I am not one of those Debbie Downers who is always depressed.  First time, I swear.  It was really situational and I think I just have to sort out some issues (ithues, if you will) about myself and my life. 

 

I do love me some politics.  I will venture to say that it runs in my blood.  No I am not a Bush, Clinton, or a Kennedy!  I am of the Cardona Clan of Central Texas though. Most of what K says is true.  But if you really read the blog you will know that she doesn’t really tell us much about herself either!  So I will do it today! 

 

She is in her sort of early 40’s, has a great career, has two beautiful dogs (that she threatened to kill recently), and is in a very happy marriage to a big red man.  She is very funny too.  I also do not want to kiss my sister but I will tell you that K has recently lost a lot of weight and is really working on improving her health which is making her look great!

 

K is cranky most of the time regardless of where on the ladder she is.  She is a total biacha that will ask the hard questions of everyone. She doesn’t care who you are.  She even tells her boss how to do her job.  It cracks me up.  She likes for everyone to think she is a hard ass (and she is) but deep down (not so deep anymore) she is a total softie.  Not unlike my belly.  

I have to tell you that I do not own any of those labels that K said I love.  I have one LV wallet because I refuse to pay $1000 for a man-bag.  My partner on the other hand has all of those labels and wears them everyday.  I am happy to buy them for him because he is great! K owns several Coach purses so shut the fuck up. 

 

I do enjoy me some shoe shopping but so does K.  She has a shitload of shoes and is dressing very ostentatious lately. I on the other hand have not purchased any new shoes lately.  I am too fat for shoes. Seriously, I don't wear shoes. 

 

I totally love to hang around with K because she makes me laugh and makes me happy when I fell like crap or am totally stressed.  She is my most loyal friend and confidant. And yes, she is the top hag (today). 

 

K reminds me of the older sister on designing women—Julia Sugarbaker!   The one that you didn’t want to eva’ piss off because she would go off on you and tear you a new one (and not in a good way),  K can kill you with words.  She is a wordsmith and knows it./span>

 By the way, I am Susan Sugarbaker.  

If you were to judge her on her posts alone you would probably think she is more athletic but that is one of the last words I would use to describe her.  Don’t get me wrong she is working out everyday.  Even weekends people.  She is a crazy health nut and I like that.  I am very proud of her for eating healthy and working out.  She still loves mayonnaise but doesn’t buy the tub at Costco anymore.  

I love talking about the bad haircuts at work.  I have a shitty haircut too but that is different.  K has very little hair but what she has is beautiful.  I totally love making fun of people with K.  She has such witty comments and makes me feel funny.  There is one person that I love making fun of.  It is the Golden Girl herself.  Her name is Teriyaki.  She is one funny lady.  From her hair to her shoes.  It is all kinds of wrong. I so should draw a pic of her.  I am laughing just thinking about it...

It is my day off, what am I doing sitting her typing all day?!  I must go nap, bitches. 

H

 

 

 

<

I hate that whore!

I so know the bitch that is food. I love that whore! Today was the worst day of my life; well it really sucked, I guess I have had worst days but this one was up there! I love to eat when I am stressed or had a bad day. Today I so had a bad day. All morning long I thought about which slut I would have: hamburger, pasta, donuts, or maybe Mexican food. I was so ready for it. I got so busy that I missed lunch and decided to just wait to eat until after my 2pm meeting. After my meeting I was even more stressed. Instead of eating I decided to never eat again. (This is the hate part of food) Don't worry it won't last long. If it did I would so be anorexic and thin right now. Sadly, I am neither. I can't even stick to my hatred of the whore I know as food. I then remember my other butt, whore addiction....SHOES. I so feel better when I buy shoes. I rushed to my favorite shoe brothel and spent an hour trying on many shoes. It was great. I finally settled on 15 pairs of shoes but didnt know how R would feel about me buying $600 on shoes. Sigh...I only bought two. I will go back and get more though!!! I love the cunt that is shoes. She doesn't make me gain any weight or feel guilty after fucking her, the way I do with the crackwhore that is food. YEA SHOES! BOOOO FOOD.