Have you ever messed up at work?

Please enjoy the following e-mail about my major *&#% up at work.

From: K
Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 11:44 AM
To: H

OMG! I just realized not only did I &%#* up July's cash balance but
I never reconciled July bank account at all! I just realized it when I was getting ready to balance our August bank balance!
I AM SO STUPID!
Epic failure. I am packing my desk up.

_________________________________________
From: H

To: K

wow, what have you been doing? Karma for not sharing your granola bar?

__________________________________________

From: K

To: H

I feel like a complete failure right now. This is so unlike me to forget something this huge. My head actually hurts.

No wonder the auditor came and asked me for the July bank statement. D and I are just like "Why doesn't she just look in the bank reconciliation folder she took??". HELLO? Earth to K.

My boss actually laughed at me.

______________________________________________

We are knee deep in an audit at work and yesterday was the first day I felt really stressed about it. My boss is the most laid back person and never stresses out, thank goodness she just took this mess up in stride. How did I forget to balance our checkbook for two months in a row? In the past my reaction to a stressful day would have been to medicate with comfort food but I didn't. I went home and we had veggie tacos and it was delicious! At least something went right, it's almost Friday. Repeat mantra.

K

Nothing good on TV, huh?

I have no idea why Max was left at the altar, who wouldn't love this? Okay, maybe he does look a little crazy...ever so slightly.

I often wonder why people read this blog. If you have a blog, don't you wonder? I wonder why they come back too. If they come often, I wonder why they don't comment. Is it because they are shy? Indifferent? Bored? Shocked? Lurking? I read a few blogs, mostly because they are funny. I get to know someone and am interested in their lives and what makes them tick. I'm naturally curious.

I wish I knew why you come here, so I could know what to write about. I would tell you how I totally Kate Gosselin'd (yes, I am using her as a verb now) my husband at Target but it's too embarrassing for me and I would hate for people to think I'm a bitch...though I sometimes can be.

I would tell you that we went hiking this weekend and my body still hurts but that's really just complaining.

I would tell you that H and I had lunch today...just the two of us and it was nice. We realized we miss this sometimes because our normal lunch crowd can sometimes be a bit overwhelming. It's like too much stimulation for one person to handle. We Kanye each other a lot. You know, interrupt, constantly tag team with lightning speed, speed joke, if you will. Yes, I am using Kanye as a verb now, too.

We also made the following observations:

Chicken Little needs to retire and volunteer at a church.

Crazy maintenance man eats very loudly, makes weird noises, and listens to our conversations. Awkward much?

H thinks my husband is a saint for STILL being married to me, I prefer to think he is entertained by me.

See? Nothing to say, why are you still here??!

K

In this case, two is the loneliest number.

Did I tell you my parents are moving away? Maybe I did, I can't remember. My parents? They like to move. They move wherever there is a child. Papa truly is a rolling stone in this case, and so is mama. I am here in Texas and I guess they are over me now and want to move on to the next child. That would be my youngest brother in Idaho. They just invited me out to dinner one night and asked me "How would you feel about us moving to Idaho?". Really, what could I say...don't go? They are adults and my first reaction was happiness, because I love Idaho too. It's gorgeous there and more like a small town then a big city.

This was one month ago and I went to their house this weekend and EMPTY! They have sold off almost everything and are leaving in October. WHAT? My parents do not jack around people. When they say it, they mean it. Granted, we scored some good stuff they did not want to take with them, but now I am so sad. It was just a statement before, I thought they meant eventually, not next month. We spend every holiday at their house. Correction, we SPENT every holiday at their house. We didn't make our own turkey on Thanksgiving or even put up a tree at Christmas...why bother, we spent all that time with my parents.

I feel like an orphan, is that just a tad too dramatic? I am still happy for them, that they are moving someplace safer and smaller. I know my brother will keep them busy with the restaurant and this is what they need. I also know I am being totally selfish with my feelings and in no way will tell them how I really feel, but I dread the day they drive away and I have to say goodbye. I already tear up just thinking about it. I will be a mess and my husband will be left to clean it all up. I'm quite sure divorce will cross his mind once or twice, after I have cried on his shoulder one too many times.
While my husband and I were talking about moving in a few years, this pretty much sealed the deal for us. Where do you think we will move to? See you soon, mom and dad.

K

GET THE fuck OUT!!!

I just did something I never thought I would be able to do. Not in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever be able to do this. I cannot believe it. Did I mention, I am amazed at what I just did?

I went through my closet and pulled out about 40 items of clothes that I can no longer wear. No longer wear because they are too big!
OMG! or ADM!

I was dancing and trying on clothes that was too damn big. I was listening to Alejandro Fernandez and enjoying myself. Yippee!!

Please see my pile of fat clothes that I don't ever want to again.

My first thought was...

Someone had hacked in to our blog because I did not post that entry. Miracle of miracles, H has decided to pay us all a visit. My second thought was who is that man eating that huge burger and where can I get one?

My third thought was I hope he posts more because I am going to bizzy next week. AUDIT...run for your lives, people! I am going to be one sorry sight, but I am ready for it. I think.

K

Beyonce had the best video of all time!

Why does K feel that she needs to call me out every three months?! She has to point out that I do not blog as much as she does. Can I just say that I am her muse. I am the inspiration and the wind beneath her wings. I inspire her to write witty entries. Soooo...

I will give you the short version of where I have been. Eight weeks ago I got sick and had a bad case of gastritis. It doesn't mean I had gas; look it up. I had been eating like it was going out of style. I ate whatever I wanted and I had no desire to exercise. I lost 7 pounds in three days from not being able to keep anything down or in. I was forced to eat a bland diet. Really Bland! No spices whatsoever!

I have now lost about 37 pounds and am exercising everyday. I got up early today and did two miles on my treadmill and I plan to exercise again tonight. I feel great!

I has been a long process to get to this point and I am still a bit fucked up about my feelings about food but I am working on it. More about that later...

BREAKING WORLD NEWS!!

Kate Gosselin has a new hair style. I try my best to keep you informed. I know how busy we can all be with our regular lives and this is just one service I like to offer. You can thank me later for this public service announcement. You may now return to your regular programming.

That is all.

K

Hold on a second...

Wait one cotton pickin' minute, I just realized One Day at a Time wasn't in the 80's, it was in the 70's! This can only mean one thing...I am older than I thought. Doesn't that just suck shit on a stick? You have to admit Valerie Bertinelli looks pretty damn good for her age, though. So do Demi Moore and Madonna, do you think they have all had plastic surgery? Remember when Val was married to Eddie Van Halen and they were just the coolest couple ever? Rock on Van Halen!

Don't you ever wonder why H never posts anymore? Me too. He always promises to, but in case you haven't figured it out yet, he is a liar. I believe the last post he wrote was on cursing and that was pretty good. He is going through "stuff", don't ask because I won't tell and truth be told, it's not all that fascinating. Maybe he has just run out of stuff to say.

I was able to get out of attending a company event today that would have wasted an entire day of work for me and I am so glad. There is NO ONE in my hallway because they are all at that event and I could not be happier about it. I have gotten so much work done because it is finally a quiet day at work with no interruptions. I actually feel a little giddy about the solitude, is that weird? Okay, I'm just rambling and I need to get back to work. Work waits for no one.

K

Just take one day at a time and I don't mean that 1980's Valerie Bertinelli show.

Sometimes, I fear turning in to a grouchy old lady and then I realize maybe I already am. Jeez, I need to learn to lighten up. Life isn't a fucking dress rehearsal, this is my only time around. Why do I have such a hard time relinquishing control? Why can't I just not worry so much and not have anxiety over things that are really beyond my control? What's the worst thing that could happen?

Just let go of the rope and fly...for once.

K

Kanye West can suck it

Could Kanye West be a bigger ass or what? I couldn't believe my eyes last night when he interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech on the VMA's. That poor girl was speechless and mortified. I realize Kanye is a huge narcissist but he must have some shred of compassion for this teenage girl who was so excited after winning her first moon man. Did he not get enough love and attention when he was growing up and now we as a society must pay for it? I am so over his music, he is the new Chris Brown for me.

K

K is annoyed again? So unlike me.

Things that annoyed me yesterday:


1. Our new payroll company sending me a packet of forms with ten million little signature flags, with no explanation on what exactly these forms are for.

2. Having to reconcile time off accruals with our old payroll company and noticing that 60% of the balances are wrong.

3. Trying to reconcile said balances and no longer having access to their system.
4. One of our long term employees has worked here over a decade and still doesn’t know how to lock our front door? I would really like to be secure in the knowledge that at 7 a.m. the front door is locked behind us and not worry about being killed by some crazy person. That would make for a bad day.

5. The fact that because of the technological advances of having all my phone numbers stored in my cell phone, I can no longer remember one damn number by heart. This forces me to dig out my cell phone to find a number when I want to use my work phone.

6. A company function that I have been asked to attend even though I really don’t have the time or interest to do so.

7. My assistant being out for a week and having to defend her right to be out to my big bosses, even though I’m not that thrilled about it either.

8. The fact that our new medical plan has no co-pays, yet I have two employees that were charged co-pays on their latest office visit.

9. The fact that I made a to-do list on Monday and have only crossed off 3 things from the list of 14.

10. Drinking too much coffee has been making me sick lately but when I am feeling stressed, I need to drink coffee.

11. Jon Gosselin trash talking his wife on the morning news. I don’t like her that much either but you’re the one that stuck around and had 8 kids with her, stop whining about it You do know your kids are old enough to be hurt by this stuff, right?

12. The fact that I am so anal that I have to make a list of the things that annoyed me today.

K

No new updates? Now that's just laziness.

I was going to write about how people don't update their blogs enough, but I have been far too busy. Don't you hate that? I was way too busy today helping plan a 1960's themed party at work. H and I are just way too groovy for this place.

K

Sometimes I just need an ocean to remind me

Big Red looking awfully small in a big ocean.

Today my husband and I decided to drive down to Corpus Christi simply because we have never been there before. Growing up in Hawaii, you can understand why some days I just really miss the ocean. You know what gets me, though? Why EVERYONE feels compelled to tell me that Corpus Christi is ugly. "It's not going to look like Hawaii". No shit, Sherlock. I would never expect any place, but Hawaii, to look like Hawaii, you know what I'm saying? Do I sound bitter, because I don't mean to be. Just let me go look at an ocean and form my own opinion, okay?

Anyway, they were right, it's ugly...hideous. No, no, it wasn't as bad as I thought. The water wasn't as dirty as I expected and had the sun actually made an appearance, it would have probably been less gloomy.

My husband is quite the talented artist, no? Moments like this, make me forget my fat days.

I'm so glad he was able to put our intitals in the heart above, before he was swallowed by this giant shark. Him getting eaten by the shark was really the only downer of the day.

Oh look! He was able to make it back and kick the sharks ass with this machine gun from the USS Lexington. Go Big Red, my hero!

Sadly, he was then caught in a herd of stampeding buffalo. Yet, he lived to tell the tale. This man has got more lives than a cat.

I'm so glad we were both able to take some time off work to reconnect. While this may not have been a trip back home, just seeing the ocean, any ocean, makes me realize how small my problems can be.

K

The day the randomness ended.

It was another hot Texas day when it happened. It was like watching a building implode right in front of your eyes. It all started innocently with us talking about the training Moman did this past weekend for an upcoming dualthalon, when Little Gay R said it. He said Michelle was slow on the bicycle and it all went downhill from there. The rest of sat there and were powerless to stop the massacre that would forever be known as the day Moman was no more. I wish we had popcorn for the show.

Michelle got very defensive about her bike riding skills and the defense shield was up for the rest of what was a very short lunch. Needless to say, I don’t think they will still be doing a duathalon together. The following is the e-mail that followed lunch.

From: Michelle
Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 1:33 PM
To: K; Little Gay R; H

Sorry for being so defensive. I blame Little Gay R for
everything.

From: Michelle
Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 1:39 PM
To: H; K; Little Gay R

Sorry Little Gay R, you had to be the scapegoat in this
one. That will teach you to call me slow!

Little Gay R’s response?

No worries. Making me the scapegoat, however, doesn’t diminish the fact that you're a slow bike rider. Even if you were the slowest bike rider in the world, though, I’d still turn around and wait for you.

Awkward much? They have worked everything out but H and I were only too happy to share some advice with them regarding having a work spouse. This is why after 8 years, Kugo is still going strong. We do not throw each other under the bus nor do we point out the others faults in front of everyone else. We are loyal above all else. When will the duo formerly known as Moman ever learn? Kids today.

K

Dance your ass off!

I woke up late this morning yet managed to make it here by 7 a.m. It was nice to get an extra 45 minutes this morning with my husband. I figured if I'm off on Friday, the least I can do is come to work on time the rest of the week. I can't believe it is already September! Not only is it my favorite Earth, Wind and Fire song but it's also the month of our audit.

Am I the only one watching Dance Your Ass Off? I watched the finale last night and was so impressed with their dancing. How come I can't dance like that? What I wouldn't give for a body like Shayla. I so want to learn how to dance the Samba. I can't wait to watch the reunion show to see how much weight everyone has lost since the finale. The host though...can't stand her. I don't watch much TV but I am a reality TV junkie. Project Runway and Top Chef are my other two favorites. Simply because I am always amazed at people who can make something beautiful out of nothing in a short period of time. That, my friend, takes real talent.

K

It's only 7:13 a.m. and I'm yawning already

Isn't my Max adorable?

The weekend is over but I am already looking forward to the next one since this one includes a holiday. What do people who don't work have to look forward to? I would like to thank Funny in my Mind for letting me know about the website that does these photo's. What fun I had!

So that was my weekend. I'm happy to say I passed the English and math placement test and am now a college student. In my 40's, really! I start school in October since I missed the Fall Flex I registration. I was busy, working, what can I say? I was going through the class catalog and the choices are endless but I have to take Algebra. There is no getting around it, my degree requires it. So I will have to start off with elementary algebra and work myself up to college algebra. Thank goodness I have a built in tutor with my husband. It feels like a Monday since I am so tired and in desperate need of coffee. I am off to start a hopefully short and productive week, hope yours is the same.

K

Trouble does not start with a T, it starts with an M, for Max.

I had a conversation with Max about his attitude lately, he's been just shy of misbehaving. I'd like to think he understood me but in reality I realize he didn't. Am I the only one who has conversations with their pet? When my husband isn't around, I tell Max all my secrets because let's face it. Whose he gonna tell? I know my secret is safe with him and he never passes judgement. This is why pets are invaluable to me. The feeling of peace and love I get from them is worth every dime I have to spend to keep them healthy. So when I heard on the news that in this economy people are giving up their pets I just had to say "HOLD ON A SECOND"! There are other things that I would give up like cable, cell phones, and movies before I gave up my dog. I made a commitment to be responsible for this animal's life and I intend to follow through on that not because I have to but because I want to. That's my rant for today, you may now feel free to go about your day.

Hey mama. Just hanging out behind the chair, nothing wrong here, no ma'am. Guilty? Not me, I didn't do anything, nope, nothing going on here at all.

We have been teaching Max to wait until we give him permission to do things. So we put treats on the floor right next to him and make him sit there until we are ready to release him. I love that no matter how badly he wants that treat on the floor, he won't look at it. He will just stare at us until we release him.

As crazy as he can drive me sometimes, I can't help but love him. My weakness? Max.

K

I think I'm an atheist now, he whispered.

I have a friend. Well, I have more than one friend, but the friend I am referring to whispered this line to me at lunch. This same friend spent a year studying Judaism so he could convert to the Jewish faith. He went to temple, celebrated all the Jewish holiday's and even tried to talk his partner in to converting. So imagine my surprise when he tells me he thinks he is an atheist and why was he even whispering? WHAT IN THE HELL?

Now he has always been out there in left field in his logic but this really surprised me. When I asked him what he did believe in, he said "mankind". Mankind? Wait, isn't this what Ebenezer Scrooge says in A Christmas Carol? Why the change of heart? He read a couple of books. I sighed out loud and asked him why he would you go through all this work to now become an atheist? Apparently, not all Jews who worship at the temple believe in the Almighty. This is news to me.

I just can't argue with this. Personally, I believe he became a Jew for the holidays and because they are more accepting of the gays than other religions. Remember on Seinfeld when that comedian became a Jew just for the jokes? Now I am not a religious person but I do have faith. Faith is what sustains me. Where would mankind be without faith? Scary thought. I totally respect his opinion, as crazy as it may be and yes, he reads this blog. We will probably both end up in hell for all the shit we do on a daily basis. Is it a sin to have a sense of humor about all things, including things that are sacred? I hope not, going to hell people, going to hell...

K

This is some strong ass coffee.

I stopped at a new coffee house this morning because they serve Seattle's Best Coffee. I miss Seattle and this is another reminder of one of my favorite cities. When Big Red and I were in our long distance relationship phase, he used to stop every morning for coffee while we chatted on the phone so this is more of a nice memory for me. I've added my creamer and Splenda but this is still some strong coffee. Maybe I'm just used to the weak coffee here at work, which I kind of like. I'm not a die hard coffee fan like some people here, I just like that it gives me energy while providing a nice, smooth taste.

Okay, so yesterday was not one of my better days. I called in fat. When I looked in the mirror, I felt like Jabba the Hut, thus the picture. When I got home my husband was waiting with a big hug and asked what he could do to help me. There wasn't anything he could do for me that he wasn't already doing. I have to take care of myself, end of story. We went for a walk and we ate lunch together before he left for work, so the day wasn't a total loss. It actually turned out to be a good day after all. I also worked out and felt much better. Why is it so much easier to take the easy road? I realize there are going to be good days and bad days but all I ask is the good outnumber the bad. Is that really too much to ask?

I had lunch with Little Gay R last week and we were having a conversation about the local farmers market. You know what he told me? He said "There are other things at the farmers market besides fruits and vegetables, for instance mushrooms." Yes, he said mushrooms. Which would imply that either he didn't realize a mushroom was a vegetable or he does, in fact, consider it a meat. Now I realize that mushrooms are technically a fungus but they are considered a vegetable for cooking, so I think I'm right. Either way, I laughed so hard, I cried. Good times.

K

There is no title that would even encompass all I have to say.

It is 6:30 a.m. and I am having the WORST day already. I don't even know why I am here at work. I went in my closet to pull out clothes for work and I had to try on 4 different shirts before I found one that finally fit right. What in the hell? By the time I put the 4th shirt on, I was in tears. Big old crocodile tears that fell on my "fat" shirt.

I spent a year of my life getting healthy and I have thrown all that away in a few short months and I am angry. Angry at myself for letting that happen. Other words that come to mind are discouraged, frustrated, annoyed, and damn mad, all at myself. I cried all the way to work and as I sit here at my desk, I have to wonder what I am even doing here today. I am in no frame of mind to get any work done. I have a black cloud over me and the last thing I want to do is interact with people and pass this shit on.

I have been so focused on making other changes in my life that I completely let this one go. I need to refocus and get my shit together. I need to get my mojo back and make working out a commitment not just a long term goal. I know Monday's are supposed to suck but not like this. I am shutting down my computer and going home where I intend to work out not just my body but my overwrought emotions. I am one sorry sight and no one needs to deal with that today.

K