Is anyone happier than me that it is Friday? I think not.

This is my desk this morning. Sometimes a picture just says it all, doesn't it? The saving grace is my coffee right in the middle of all the chaos. I am going to drink my coffee while I think peaceful thoughts and dive right in. If I never talk to you again, it's been fun.

K

We are all gathered here today...

We had one of the longest meetings of my life today and total chaos ensued. Today was the day we had all our employees fill out the new benefits paperwork and you would have thought we asked them to write an essay on the theory of relativity or balance our nations budget, with the way they carried on. Drama anyone?

I get that learning about your new health plan is not the most exciting thing in the world but it is a necessary evil that you will eventually need to understand. Apparently, it was so difficult one employee got upset and started raising her voice. Granted the rep was giving a little too much information but CONTROL YOURSELF WOMAN! Just because you don't understand it, do not get upset with them. It was just mass confusion because half of our staff can't follow directions and the other half just don't want to. I may have spoiled them, I take partial blame here.

The mistake might have been feeding us first and then talking. Just leads to a room full of slow blinkers and sleepy employees. All I got out of this meeting was a MOUNTAIN of paperwork that I need to double check and sign off on and more questions that frankly, I just don't need. I have a headache and need to go lay down. The good news is it's finally raining outside and the temperature has dropped...temporarily. Thank goodness I love my job. Lord, give me patience tomorrow or help me kick someones ass. Do you think he does that sort of thing?

K

I slept like 9 hours last night and I feel fabulous! Other than that...I got nothing.

Fast Eddie got engaged while he was out on vacation last week and I could not be happier for him. He was never been one to be so optimistic on relationships. I have only known him for a couple of years and he has been through his share of girlfriends, but he has finally fallen in love.

I was thinking back to when Big Red and I got engaged and how happy I was. I kept holding my hand out and looking at the ring from different angles. I wonder if CC does that? Big Red and I also got engaged when we went on vacation and I didn't tell anyone at work when I got back. It only took one day before one of my co-workers noticed the rock on my finger and squealed out loud "DID YOU GET ENGAGED?!!" This brought everyone else over to my cubicle and I blushed and shrugged my shoulders when they asked me why I didn't tell anyone. Looking back I'm not sure why I didn't say anything. I think I wanted to let it sink in and be just mine before all the wedding questions followed. It was only 10 years ago but it seems like a lifetime.

One weird thing about being in an serious adult relationship is how to introduce your partner to others. The term boyfriend seems so juvenile and the term partner doesn't sound right either, unless you're a lawyer. Don't even get me started on the word Fiancee, it sounds so pretentious. Maybe because it's french and every french word sounds highfalutin. I'm so going to learn french.

Au revoir mon ami!

K

Seriously, what's your name again and how long ago did we know eachother?

Sometimes I think Facebook is the devils taint.

I've decided to post random things on H's wall on Facebook just to make him crabby.

Does everyone have a Facebook account?

K's Status Update on Facebook: K has a plan in motion...

K

Don't think just 'cause I'm small I can't take you down, vato!

I totally forgot to tell you what I saw yesterday. I was home looking at the front window because Max was up in the window seat, obviously distressed over something. There were these 5 little dogs just running like the wind across our neighbors yard. They disappeared under the fence for a minute or so then they came tearing out towards our house. Some guy was going door to door leaving Chinese food delivery fliers on our door and they ran after him, nipping at his heels and yapping like little dogs are prone to do. He started swinging his fliers at them to shoo them away. This made me laugh out loud because they were all chihuahua's with one fat little dachshund bringing up the rear. Why didn't I grab my camera! Max was whining because he wanted me to let him out so he could eat them. Once we had the windows open and Max actually tore through the front screen to go lay the smack down on a dachshund. He pushed that poor little dog around long enough to make him squeal and then ran right back to the front door with a huge smile on his face as if to say "DID YOU SEE THAT?? I KICKED HIS ASS! HA HA I'M BAD!" A roving gang of chihuahua's with bad attitudes terrorizing people...what is this neighborhood coming to!??!

K

I think I will have an affair with a trash collector just to make myself feel better.

It is 7 a.m. and I am A.N.N.O.Y.E.D. I am back at work but that isn't the annoying part...yet. I open the pantry door this morning and the trash is piled up to the top...spillage people. I have already asked my husband to take it out but apparently he is deaf. This happens a lot in my house. Why he cannot take the trash out when it's full is beyond me, he has eyes so I know he can see it. He doesn't want me to nag him but he also doesn't do it unless I remind him so what is a girl to do? I have taken it out myself several times but this is really his responsibility. He has two things that are his, one is the trash and one is the yard and I won't even go in to how high our grass is. This Texas summer has wreaked havoc on our yard. I spent my commute to work this morning in a foul mood because of this garbage situation and by the time I got here I was over it. Why do our husbands do this? I have no idea but I feel sure it is just to piss us off. I, of course, am perfect and never do anything that ticks him off besides venting about the garbage on my blog. ;-)

I am back to working full weeks now that Little Red is gone and while it was fun, I am glad to be relieved of entertainment duty. Now that she is all grown up, I enjoy our relationship much more. I can't believe she was only 5 years old when Big Red and I got together and here she is about to turn 18. I would write more but the Trash Calamity of 2009 has left me humorless for the time being. I think it's best to go make my oatmeal and get to work.

K

I hope we weren't on a milk carton somewhere.

Did my parent's just find me, abandoned, in an old car in a bad neighborhood? Don't we look like underprivileged children from Mexico or something? I love how you can barely see my brother in the backseat. I guess I was driving at a very young age, I must have been very gifted. I'm not really sure what I was storing in my chipmunk cheeks back then ,but whatever it was I feel sure it is still there.

I love having Friday's and Monday's off of work. This is my last long weekend and Little Red is leaving us on Saturday. I am sad. I have had so much fun with her and am so proud of what kind of person she has turned out to be with absolutely no help from me, but I am still proud.

On the agenda for our Friday is Mexican food and a movie...how can it possibly get better? Tres Leches cake.

K

Chinamommy Rocks!

Thanks to Chinamommy for telling me about the free backgrounds we could put on our blog. I had no idea we could even do this, no wonder her blog is so cute. Love her. Too bad H is out sick and I could not confer with him about the changes but I had to make an executive decision. Seriously, I really need to get some work done and go spend time with our new microwave, which I have dubbed Bessie.

K

Oooh...shiny thing.

H and I just spent 30 minutes on a conference call (because he is all the way down the hall) trying to figure out how to add something to our blog. We ended up frustrated and switched to Facebook because we lost interest in the blog. We suck at anything technical, and have the focus of a 5 year old. What was I saying? We really need to hire an IT expert.

K

K and H

The jury is still out...

Not sure I like the new layout. It is a bit void of color and excitement. I am just not sure...H

What do you want?!

I am sitting at my desk reading an article about a fat guy that lost weight and now runs ultra-marathons. Great article about eating healthy and exercising. In walks in the intern and says "good morning, how are you" for the third time today. As she is walking and getting closer to my desk she begins to lean in to see what is on my monitor. She looks at me then to my monitor and repeats this three times. She finally sits down and leans forward to look at what is on my monitor. As you can see by the picture above it is just a buch of text she sees so it is not like it is something exciting. I ask her if I can help her and she goes into some crap about gas prices and how busy she is right now.

She has done the whole lean in to snoop thing one other time. K and Fast Eddie were in my office and we were looking at funny pictures that time. Pictures of us goofing off. She was not invited in to see the pictures but she came up behind Fast E and leaned in to see the pics anyway. That is just odd and a bit rude. I don't understand that! I would never do that especially not to someone that supervises me. I don't like it, I don't like it all.

Pain and loathing in San Antonio

I loathe Jillian Michaels. I don't just hate her...that's just not enough. I abhor her. I just did her 20 minute shred and what the hell?! It's only 20 minutes...she said. 20 minutes of pure pain and evilness. Why did I even bother trying it when I am on VACATION? 'Cause I'm stupid.

Satan = Jillian Michaels.

You know what? I can't do push ups. Not even the girl push ups. It took me longer to get down on the floor and back up than the actual exercise. She yelled at me through the T.V. "NO MODIFIED JUMPING JACKS BECAUSE I HAVE 400 LB. PEOPLE DO JUMPING JACKS AND IF THEY CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU!" She is mean. Hate.

K

I'll get you my pretty and you're stupid microwave too!!!

First of all can I just tell you that I was some kind of grouchy yesterday. I was Crabella Deville yesterday and I don't know why. You ever just wake up in a bad mood and can't shake it? I had a low tolerance level yesterday and could not stop being Crabby Crabster. Thank goodness I feel better today and am no longer Oscar the grouch.

Can I share something with you?

I am a grown woman who loves Harry Potter. I have been hooked since I read the first book back in the 1990's. Has it really been 10 years? Wow. My husband became a fan after I made him read the book too. I can now admit that yes, we have stood in line at Barnes and Noble at midnight for the release of the book. Yes, I have stayed up for hours reading the just purchased book and have spent the whole weekend in bed with Harry Potter. Yes, we have gone to several midnight premiers of the Harry Potter movies and gone to work the next day. Yes, I cried when I read book 6 and then book 7 when some of my favorite characters died. Yes, we own a Harry Potter trivia game and played it every night after we bought it. Do you think I am what they would call a fan?

We did not go to the midnight showing of the latest movie but we are going to the first showing on Friday morning. I can also admit that I didn't really care for Book 2 and I loved Book 4. I can also tell you it puzzles me why people who haven't read the books or seen most of the movies still stand in line to see the midnight showing. I am not quite as anxious to see this movie as I was the others because if you read the series you know that they get darker and sadder as you go along. I like going to the movies to escape not to immerse. But I will be there and have skimmed over Book 6 to refresh my memory. I'm quite sure my anxiety level will be at an all time high but I think I will take a chill pill so I can enjoy the movie. Also, I am not feeling at all funny today. My husband has promised me a frosty margarita tonight when we go out to dinner so I do have that to look forward to.

OH MY GOD THE ELECTRICIAN IS HERE TO HOOK UP OUR NEW MICROWAVE!!!

Hold on, wait a second.....

Damn, Facility lady just told me they can't do it until tomorrow because he needs another man for the job. Why do you mock me? Why do you lift me up only to throw me back down? Why can't facility lady be a certified electrician too? Mrs. Crabbypants may have to make a sudden appearance today.
K

For he was a jolly good fellow.

May we have a moment of silence for our deceased coffee maker. We've had some good times with you coffee maker. I remember the time Mother Teresa mixed her expensive coffee in with our crappy Folgers just so we all could have Creme Brulee coffee. The receptionist refused to use anything other than Folgers so Mother T had to sneak it in the Folgers canister. Oh Mother Teresa, I know you too will miss the coffee maker. I remember the day we got you from Office Depot and how welcomed you were in to our little group. I remember how you got to have a day off every now and then when our receptionist was late or out sick because none of us ever bothered to learn how to work you. We would curse those days and the missing receptionist because we were caffeine deprived. I hope the receptionist did not murder you to get out of making coffee. We have often suspected her of abuse and now it is too late. Now you will have to go to the great coffee maker graveyard with all the others that have served us in the past. Farewell, coffee maker.

K

Now this is progress....she said sarcastically.

A few days ago I blogged about our lack of a working microwave and how it was making me poor and fat. I realize I have really done this myself but it's more fun to blame others. I've been off for a few days and this is what I came back to. The broken microwave has moved to a table and there is now no microwave at all. Why? How difficult is it to call Sears and have them come out and install a new one? Seriously, Facility lady, why hasn't this been done? Half of our staff brings their lunches, how do you not see how serious a situation this is? War in the Middle East, Global Warming, Recession, No Microwave. Now I'm going to have to talk to my boss today and ask her what the hold up is and I will get a bunch of "I don't know...you know Chicken Little, she's busy." I'm just going to print out a picture of a microwave and tape it up here with a MISSING sign above it. REWARD OFFERED.

K

If I am so anxious, why on earth did I just reserve "A Haunting in Conneticut" for tonight? Don't I realize this was based on a true story?!

Okay, so I don't blog about my worldly travels or the interesting people I meet in my time volunteering at a homeless shelter or the funny things that happened to me when I was a missionary in Indonesia. I just blog about my daily life, as mundane and boring as that may seem. I don't travel because I have a job and a mortgage and use my vacation to go home to Hawaii, I don't volunteer because I work at a non-profit, and I was never a missionary but I know the position. I have been off work for 4 days and again...stupid. Maybe I just need to retire, if only. I spent the weekend going to dog classes, playing Wii with Little Red, and going to the movies. You know what I discovered about me and the movies? I have anxiety.

I physically get anxiety about what is happening in the movie, what the hell? We went to see Transformers 2 and I loved it because I like stuff like that. But when this big ass decepticon came out and started killing people, my teeth started to chatter, my knees starting shaking and my heartbeat revved up. I had to mentally tell myself "THIS IS JUST A MOVIE, CALM DOWN K". Do you think I will be useless in an acutal emergency, God I hope not. I had the same thing happen during Angels and Demons, during the chase scenes. I knew what was going to happen, I read the book. I get all worked up like I'm in the damn movie! When did this happen? I don't get this much anxiety in real life and I think it's because I have no control over a movie. Having control is a big thing for me. I feel the need to control everything in my life, except my weight, obviously and we do not have time for this analogy. I am a huge list maker, ask H. I even make a list when I do a big house cleaning and I am anal! I actually write down very specific things like - scrub master tub, scrub guest bathroom tub, clean master sink, etc....why can't I just write down CLEAN BATHROOMS? Why do I even have to make a list? Because there is a small part of me that feels vindicated by crossing out what I just did. I am a sick woman.

Either I need to see a shrink or I need to stop going to the movies. I feel a little out of it today but when I came in this morning my desk was piled with crap I have to do with my three days here this week so I.DO.NOT.HAVE.TIME.TO.BLOG, yet I did. Did I tell you I'm also a rebel? Insert big sigh here and I'm off to actually do what they pay me to do here, work. But before I leave, you know what else I do? I analyze a movie to death. I wonder what the difference is between a prime and an autobot...if you haven't seen Transformers you will have no idea what I am talking about. I must know why and what for when it comes to a movie until my husband finally tells me "It was just a movie, it's not real". I am a barrel of laughs at a movie is what I am. Some days it is exhausting to be me.

K

What the hell...

A few weeks ago I decided that I was done with cursing. I didn't want to run the risk of offending anyone. I was worried that someone would feel bad because they heard me down the hall cursing up a storm at work.

Fast forward to this week...It was a bad week. I decided that this just wasn't the week to give up cursing. I really needed to express my feelings. I know what you are thinking, the same excuse people use all the time for not cursing. It just makes you look ignorant, unintelligent and just rude. Your vocabulary must be so limited that you have to rely on such paltry words.

Fuck that! I know lots of words, even big words. Obstinate, lackadaisical, reticent, boisterous, gregarious and maybe even absonite. Seriously, look it up!

I really enjoy cussing, cursing, profanity, swearing or whatever you want to call it. I am no longer worried about offending anyone. Look, FUCK. See, don't care.

BTW, I am listening to Prince's Sexy Motherfucker right now! Love that song.

Honestly, I really don't use too many curse words. I think my favorite is fuck. I also like shit, bitch, shithead, wad, pussy, bastard, whore and asshole. Not so bad right. Every now and then I like to throw out a C U Next Tuesday. I save that one for very special people.

You never know, one day you too might be special.

And then H felt a cold shiver run down his spine, as if someone were watching him...

Didn't I see this in Friday the 13th or some other bad horror movie?

I love this picture. Do you know why? Is there anything odd in this picture? Is that a knife they are holding? Why am I writing such short sentences? H found this knife sticking in the dirt outside our building. It is a rather huge switchblade. We help children in this building. WHY IS THERE A LARGE DANGEROUS KNIFE IN OUR FRONT YARD??!! H brought the knife in to let our "facilities lady" know how dangerous it is to have a knife in our front yard. Apparently, our slightly loony handyman left it out front. Does anyone worry why our handyman carries such a large switchblade? This may keep me up tonight. H already worries that the loony handyman also likes to stand outside H's window with a chainsaw and laugh.

I, of course, had to capture this moment for all posterity. The ceremonial handing over of the knife. When H saw this picture, he said "Why am I making gay face?" Excellent question. This is why I love working here. Aside from our hilarious lunches or practical jokes or the actual good work we do here...we have characters. Chicken Little, Fast Eddie, Dutch Boy, Little Gay R...everyone has a nickname and they live up to that nickname. We are all just a little bit crazy and funny. This is why I posted my status update on facebook yesterday as thankful for the fun people I work with. After everything I write about work, I still come in every day and laugh. Thank God for characters. I used the word knife 7 times in this post. Obsessive?

K

What do they call chinese food in China?

Did I ever tell you I love chinese food? Well now you know.

That is all.

K

Doing my part to help the national debt, even if it kills me.

This is the sign on our only microwave at work. Do you realize how difficut this makes it to bring lunch every day now? My only options are sandwich and salad and frankly, I'm sandwiched out. This forces me to buy a fast food lunch and that is a habit I broke over a year ago. Now I am doing it again. I totally blame the office for my full gut and empty pockets.

K

Is one of us supposed to be the dog in this scenario and is it me??

Just wanted to share a hilarious e-mail exchange I had with one of our employees today:

From: D*** C***
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 2:53 PM
To: K
Subject: Please put a stop payment on check

K-

You all make me nervous when you call… I am always worried I lost something J… please put a stop payment on check. Would you put the check in my box and I will personally give it to the landlord….ladies, thank you and have a good day….

From: K
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 3:18 PM
To: D*** C***
Subject: RE: Please put a stop payment on check

You should never get nervous! I just ask a lot of questions to make sure we have backup for everything, just doing my job. You know I'm just kidding with you when I act like you're in trouble, right? Trust me, I would never call and yell at you for anything. CALM DOWN WOMAN!

(Just kidding ;-p)

From: D*** C***
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 3:23 PM
To: K
Subject: Please put a stop payment on check

K-

Hey, you’re the BIG dog in the house! When you call and say, “Hey D, this is K”, you have my attention and my heart is BEATING soooo FASTTTTTTT!!!!!! :-)
I know your kidding but I hate the thought of losing track of money, especially other peoples $$.

This e-mail cracks me up on so many levels. One, I think she just called me a dog but not just any dog. Note the way she capitilized BIG dog, so now I'm a fat dog. Two, why would she be nervous when I call her and three, she is the best employee we have and I truly adore her! I'm off to strike fear in to the rest of the employees here..

Fat Dog K

Oh good Lord, what day is this? Where am I? How did I get here and other things people say when they forgot what they were talking about...

GHOST CHILDREN OF THE OFFICE - Don't Fast Eddie and Michelle look like they are haunting the building? This is how we punish people at the office. We make you stand outside in the hot sun while we eat ice cream inside.

I have lost all sense of time. Off for 4 days and I am now too stupid to function. How did they handle time in the old days? I am so used to having computers, phones, watches, clocks everywhere telling me what time and what day it is, so how did they get stuff done in the old west? If you were going to say, meet a friend for lunch, when you were done plowing the field, how did you know what time to be there? Did you have to look at the position of the sun and thus burn your retinas? Did you just show up when you were hungry? What about Birthdays? If there was no calendar hanging up on the wall, how did you know when to bake a cake? Did school just start whenever they got there? I guess there were no tardies back then. Don't you ever wish you could go back in time just to find out this small stuff? I do, all the time. But just for a couple of hours because any longer and I would probably end up dead from sheer stupidity.

I would not be one of those people you want on a deserted island, trust me. I'm not really good with manual labor or building a radio out of a coconut. I can't build anything, I can't grow anything, I can't even sew a button. I'd be Gilligan. Not only would I never survive but I wouldn't want to. Which reminds me of the time H, Little Gay R and I were wondering what it would be like to be the last 3 people left on earth and what we would do. While H and I talked about where we would live, what we would gather to eat, Little Gay R decided he would go sightseeing. Because he has never seen the Grand Canyon or a beautiful beach so why not go in the off season? This is why H and I talked about killing him if it we were the last 3 left 'cause who wouldn't get irritated with some tourist taking pictures while we were trying to SURVIVE? Can you imagine having to look at his slide show while we are running out of food and water? Never once did we ask ourselves why on earth we would even be the last 3 people on earth.

I had absolutely no intention of writing about this when I got here and look at how easily I have gone off rambling about trivial shit. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. No wonder my husband has selective hearing. Which reminds me. Little Red and I were talking about this boy she likes and oh, how she would turn a lovely shade of red if she saw this post. This boy, let's call him Rico Suave, is her first real "like" and they "made out" before she left for this visit. She is 17! While we were sitting in the dining room discussing boys and all that implies, Mr. Selective hearing over in the living room is all "WHAT? WHAT DOES MAKING OUT MEAN?!". Why, when I ask him to take the trash out, he tells me "I didn't hear you" but this he hears? Eavesdrop much? I need to find some time alone with Little Red to dish the dirt and let her know about boys. I'm quite sure it will go in one ear and out the other but I have to let her know or else I wouldn't be doing my duty.

Again, where am I going with THE POST THAT WILL NEVER END END END. Frankly, I see no end in sight and the more you complain, the longer it's going to get. We finally had thunder storms last night and we did what the trainer asked us to do. We took Max outside in the thunder and made him sit there with us. How unpleasant do you think this was for all 4 of us? We finally had to come back in when raindrops the size of pumpkins started to fall from the sky. We did this twice to make him face his fear and to help him realize that nothing bad will happen when thunder comes. I don't know if it helped, but it was thundering this morning and he was sound asleep, along with Big Red when I left for work. I can only hope that repeating this process will help him overcome his fear. I didn't feel good about doing it and I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and comfort him, but I held back and let him sort it out. Being a dog mom sucks sometimes.

Allow me to leave you with this picture I took yesterday at one of my favorite pizza places. I realize spelling and pluralization are not that important to you when you are probably only making $6 an hour but surely a manager wouldn't want this out on display for all to snicker at. It made me giggle. If anyone is still awake after reading this War and Peace of a post I wish I had something rewarding to leave you with but I don't. Hope you all had a lovely holiday and since I am only here for 3 days this week I am quite sure I will be back to waste more time. I am a spectacular time waster if I do say so myself.

K

We're famous! Well...in my own home.

Ha, look at the picture I snagged from the Dog Awareness Week website. Me, Little Red and my darling Max. Look at Max's tongue hanging out in sheer exhaustion from running around all day. Too bad Big Red was off to the side trying to coax Max to come and play. What fun!

K

It is amazing!

First things first, I did blog that I hated all people; I may have exaggerated just a bit. Monkey was acting like a baby monkey and was pissy. This made me pissy and I just needed to yell because I didn't want to yell at him. That is all.

Ok, so it has been 11 days since Michael Jackson passed away rather suddenly. I know you have all read countless stories, watched numerous specials and had your own thoughts on his death. It is my turn. If you are tired of it don't read this and don't watch TV, look online or go to any grocery store this week.

About four months ago Monkey and I sat and played music on Itunes and played the "Remember this one" game. We love that game! We started listening to Michael Jackson songs and watching videos. We commented on how amazing he was and how unfortunate it was that his personal life was all fucked up.

We are now amazed at the amount of love that has been seen in regards to Michael Jackson since his death. The coolest part has been seeing my 8 year old nephew discover Michael's music, videos and dancing. My nephew has downloaded as many songs and videos as his parents will allow him. We have sat and listened and watched together. Shared memories and seen the wonderment and excitement in an 8 years olds eyes discovering the King of Pop.

He doesn't know all the drama and controversy that has been Michael Jackson's life. He doesn't care that he looks nothing like he did when he was a child. He doesn't care that he is "white" now and was born"black". All he knows is that Michael Jackson is cool. He can sing and he can dance! My nephew has watched Thriller about 20 times since he downloaded it. It is so amazing to know that I had all the same thoughts and the same feelings when I was just a few years old than my nephew is now. I know that I watched Thriller every time it came on Night Tracks and the then 1 year old MTV.

Never did I think that my nephew and I would have the same interests or agree on anything as much as we do now. I again, can see through fresh eyes; Michael Jackson is cool, he can sing and he can dance.

What a yankee doodle dandy day!

After reading the last post, I take it H did not have a very good weekend. I would ask him what happened but I think he made it quite clear that he didn't want to talk to "ALL PEOPLE" so let's just move on, shall we? It's Sunday evening and may I just say K has had a wonderful 3 days off so far. Little Red came in Saturday morning and we have been non-stop since then. Little Red's flight came in a little early and we were running a little late. We had to have our own little fireworks display before "little ears" got here and took all the romance out of our evenings. ;-) All is quiet in our household because the father daughter duo are now napping. Apparently, they can't handle a full day of activity. Yesterday we had a cook out to celebrate the 4th of July, because if you're an American it is required that you grill some kind of meat outside. We had the best steaks in the world with corn on the cob and baked beans. Who do you think ate too much? There were a few fireworks going off here and there but Max slept through all of it.

Today, we were up before dawn so Big Red could start his training for the half marathon he is running. After he did his time trials in Helotes with Fast Eddie, we ended up out at breakfast then off to a dog awareness parade. Okay, an Elvis impersonator was there singing "You ain't nothing but a hound dog"...over and over again. Annoying much? We had a blast and Max did as well. We have discovered Max is a grade A butt sniffer, but he does not like to reciprocate with his own butt. Any dog near his ass got snapped at. Not sure I can blame him. We finally decided to let him off leash to see how he would interact with all these dogs and people and we were shocked to discover he actually did better. He even let some strange woman pet him??!! What?? Who was this dog? Max was fine roaming around with a group of big dogs and our trainer, Ian who was there, told us this was very good for his socialization. Max partied like it was 1999, only Prince wasn't anywhere to be seen. Only Elvis could make it. It wasn't too hot and we got a bunch of free stuff from the pet booths. All in all, a very successful and stress free weekend...which is why the two red's are sound asleep. Actually, Max has been out for some time as well, he had been out with us since 6 a.m. and he is not used to that schedule! It's almost 5 p.m., should I wake them? I've no doubt they will be up all night playing Wii. I personally think it is good for Big Red to get his Wii ass kicked, playing against his own flesh and blood. They are so alike, it is almost scary.

I have no idea what is on the agenda for tomorrow but I've no doubt it will be something good before I return to work on Tuesday. I'm off to wake up the three sleepy heads because I'm getting hungry and need some company.

K

Fourth of July 2009 sucks. I really don't like people. ALL people, I mean ALL people. Don't talk to me.

Are we there yet?

I was just in a conference call with our new 401K administrator and he was going over our new retirement plan. Safe Harbors, run averages, share fees...do you have ANY idea how boring this was for me? Believe me, I realize how important all this is and I also need to know this stuff to help our employees, but come one. While he was droning on I found myself with some free time to let my mind wander and this is what I thought of:

• My boss now looks darker than me, did she go get a tan? Why do white people want to look darker anyway? She also had on this really cute ring and all I wanted to know was where she got it from. I'm thinking Charming Charlie's.


• The clock in our conference room is 4 minutes slow...painfully slow.


• There are quite a few people that are walking by outside our building for it being 100 degrees outside. Where are they all going? It's not like we are located on Main Street.


• I loved the blouse Brittanica was wearing, it is so something I would buy for myself.


• I drank so much coffee this morning, I am now worried I will not be able to eat lunch because my belly is full of liquid.


• Speaking of lunch, where is Monkey Boy with our lunches? I haven't heard from H on when he was bringing it.


• Since one of my favorite bloggers talked about them today, do you think the three playboy bunny girls actually enjoyed sleeping with Hugh Hefner? I can't imagine it being fulfilling or sexy but maybe they really did love him?

Thank goodness it is technically Friday since we are closed tomorrow for 4th of July. My only goal right now is to cut out early today and go home and take a nap with my husband who has to work tonight. I'd say that's a pretty good goal. MONKEY BOY IS HERE WITH LUNCH!

K

It tastes like dead squirrel

Girl, I am tired this morning, yet surprisingly alert. Could be my large coffee or it could be the 4 day weekend coming up. Last night my brother and sister in law came in and we were up late laughing. I love them! They are both so funny and honest and I totally dig that. Since Big Red was already at work, we had him on speaker phone at one point, so we could all talk. It was well past midnight when I dragged my tired ass and exhausted puppy to bed. Max did really well with the company and eventually settled down and played ball with Rob. I love Red's sister because she is who she is and never apologizes for it. She had a lot going on in her younger days and if you were to judge her on the number of tattoos she has, you would totally miss out on how sweet she is. Today she is happily married to a wonderfully crazy guy and they have a beautiful baby daughter. Rob tried to teach me how to play Mafia Wars on Facebook, but can I just admit that I don't get it? I don't want to be in a violent mafia, I just want to grow crops in Farm Town. Can't we all just get along? In completely unrelated and uninteresting news, I will no longer have to type slowly since I cut my nails. They were daggers and much to the dismay of my husband, I finally trimmed them down. Seriously, how did they not break with all the stuff I was doing?? Back to our regularly scheduled blogging...
I got to work extra early yesterday to get a head start on things and I should have known that no good deed goes unpunished. I always try to get a blog entry in first, but my body was craving some liquid energy . As I was stirring my coffee I heard a bang and then our trouble alarm went off in the office. Keep in mind it is before 7 a.m. and I am the only one there so I was a little freaked out. Being a grown ass independent woman, I immediately texted my husband and asked him what to do. He told me what I already knew, which was to call the alarm company. He offered to come over to be with me, so sweet and thoughtful, my hubby. Since Michelle had just walked in while I was on the phone with the alarm company, I felt a little better that someone else had come in to feed my fear. The alarm company told me to re-set the breakers to turn the alarm off??? Breakers? Where? So here we are walking around the office looking for a good place for breakers to be when H walked in the door. HELP! We were now three strong and that just meant three times as stupid. We couldn't figure it out and finally had to call someone. All I could think was that some crazy ax murderer had broken in and cut the power lines and was now going to take us out one by one. You know like those Friday the 13th movies where the good one always makes it out alive? Needless to say, I would have been the last one standing. As much as it pains me to ruin anyone's image of H, he broke down in tears like a scared little boy and I did what any good friend would do. I laughed at him. Here we are hiding in the closet. I have no idea why Michelle just happened to have a camera. ;-p
Come to find out the vicious ax wielding mad man was actually a squirrel who was responsible for blowing out a transformer. Sadly, he did not make it and he became deep fried squirrel. R.I.P. little squirrel. Little did we know this whole calamity would be the highlight of our day and the last time we would laugh. It all went to hell in a hand basket after that. No AC, no computers, no lights, which meant our deadlines became just a little more urgent. Thus, ensuring we now had to work twice as fast to catch up. You realize this meant no more fun? I kept my door closed, my head down and focused on the task at hand. Today is a new day with new challenges and hopefully more fun.

K